24thmusic

Show the way.

2011-03-06T22:02:00.004+08:00

Maybe i'm just mad at myself. The way she said it. I know i'd always compare her to her. But that didn't stop me from doing it. I'm mad at myself. I treat her as if she is my sister. Always taking care of her. But i know i've said things done things that always hurt her feelings. I'm sorry. Really am sorry. Mad at myself for doing all those things to you. I never meant to. It's just me. And sometimes i just can't be who i am not. But i promise you this. I will change. People change. And that's what i'll be. Don't worry about all those things. Know that i'm always here for you. I've scarred you deep being someone you thought you can count on. I'll treat you right this time.

While watching Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging, i found myself watching a chick flick again. It's not wrong. It kinda feels right sometimes. Watching hopeless romantics dwell in their own drama. Love. I thought to myself. If 2 people are meant to be, then do we have to be with every girl we fall in love with to find out the One? All we just have to sit there and wait. Cause if it's meant to be, we'll really be togather right? I'm not sure how Love really works. But i recently found out that decisions you make change what's coming to you. Maybe here i'm typing this word, but if i typed a different type of word it may change the course of the future.

Enrolling into Classical Music in Melbourne Uni, i dono if i will like it. But the 1st week was alright. Really alright. Everything was okay. I can't compete with the classical musicians. They were ready. Ready to take on classical music while i'm still stuck. I dono if i will be what i thought of. I researched on academies, institutes, colleges to find my course. I found a lot. A lot. But then reputations was unknown. I'm still gonna try. Maybe it was meant to be? But if it's not meant to be. I'm still gonna try to find out.

I'm not sure. I'm so confuse with myself. So many signs pointing to let go. So many voices. So many thoughts. But my heart as strong as it would be, keep holding on. Why? I do not want to do something to upset her. I lied to myself knowing that if i let go, you're going to do fine. But i know letting go is the most hardest thing to do. So many people asking me to let go, asking me you can if you try. I tried. Seriously i did. Maybe it's just unfinish buisness i still have with her. She was so cute when she got headshot. I never see a girl playing cs reacted so big.

Hold on to me, sweet Jesus. Never let me go.

You are the strength of my life, Lord. It doesn't matter what may come my way.

Grown up.

2011-02-25T13:12:00.003+08:00

Every Sunday morning when i wake up, i've gotten used to hearing my father's voice talking to my sisters in the kitchen. My mother doing her stuff in kitchen. Then i realize, i'm waking up in my apartment in Melbourne. Life, huh? It's so unpredictable.

Orientation week was what i expected. Musical. When the Mr. Ian Holtam asked us to go on stage to play the 3 grand pianos he was so proud of, my heart jumped. Beating so fast just like everytime i see her. I played and i came down, and i kind of liked it. It was like it was something i was meant to do.

I know myself. I know what i like, i know who i love. I want to be a song-writing, music producer. And my dream to become this I told Mr. Ian Holtam. Then he said: " Whoever told you that Melbourne University was of pop songs? We are all hardcore classical musicians and we are proud of it." So many things running in my head that time. But only two faces appeared, my parents. I was confused, mad at myself. I was in the first time in my life hating myself. The first thing i did when i came out of the office, i called my mom. And you know what she said? She asked me to find a better school. One that suits me. Doing things i want. Then something clicked in my head. I am blessed. I without a doubt have a mom that no matter what wants me to be happy. And because of this, i was more angry at myself than i ever was.

I walked and my legs guided me to Carlton Park to the place where me and her dance. I thought a lot of things that day. A lot. I spent 2 hours over there thinking to myself; What had i done? What am i gonna do? If i'm gonna go somewhere else, i have to start fresh. Accommodations, school fees, friends all were inside my head. My parents are gonna waste so much money on me again. What had i done?

Then i thought, what if this were all meant to be? God wanted me to come here for a reason. Going into Melbourne Uni for a reason. Enrolling myself into classical for a reason. Should i stay? Classical is the foundation of all music. If i go on for 3 years, enduring classical wouldn't that make a difference? If i stayed for classical i can still go to song-writing in other places. Being a man, and be responsible for the decisions you made. I enrolled in classical not because i don't know what Melbourne Uni has to offer but because I know that classical can helped me later on with life.

Life is so unpredictable. I never thought this would happen. How would i know where will i be few months later. I never thought i was gonna be in Melbourne till i was 17 years old. Then this year going to 19, where? I laughed at myself.

If i change places, I can't get to see her. I have so much to say. So much to tell. I doubt that i can find anyone more beautiful than her. My friends here, i just settled in. I'm at war with myself! But Carlton Park calmed me down. I glanced at the place where me and her dance, and pictured that night. I would like to relive that moment. Innocence with goodbyes so hard to say. And it holds me back.

I went back and celebrated Tan Ying's b'day. And i realize i have a life here in Melbourne. I have friends here. But that did not stopped me to think that i can start a new life some where else. I have a feeling. A feeling that Melbourne will treat me well. Where there's something here that's holding me back. It maybe her, my friends, the University, the apartment. But i just hope i don't regret. My new year resolution that i made was: Don't make anymore regrets. Please don't regret it. So, i'm gonna try.

Waiting.

2011-02-20T11:10:00.004+08:00

Ever get the feeling that time just pass by so fast. Deleting my phone messages, there was these tonnes of message i saw between me and my friends. I miss those times and to think it was a week ago, Dunstan texted me to go pick him up. Its just been a week, and i sort of adapt to the new apartment. In my mind, i'm ready to be an adult. I just can't wait to move on with life.

Going back to Albert House that Valentine's Day, I remembered. I remembered so many things. Memories just flow into me with every step i took inside that building. I stood outside T9. Now currently occupied by 2 girls. Then there was this Indian guy, and 2 pairs of twins. Drama was meant to happen with so many people living in Albert House. And i was never into Albert House's drama. But i love the people inside especially my gang. How we used to talk everything inside T9. Then i stood outside Gary's room. That room brought me peace. I remembered 4th December, 8.00am, I read that letter she gave me in his room. With tears flowing down while i read it. My mind going through with what she said. 'Go with the flow, kay?' That letter meant a lot to me with those cute handwritings.

Wao. I'm going to University. Wao. I'm already 19 and going to Melbourne University. That day during orientation, i was introduced with all those music subjects and i thought to myself, 'Are you up for it?' I'm scared or nervous. I don't know if i have that talent inside of me but all i know is that i don't want to disappoint my parents. I guess that's what keeping me to go on.

Watching Ghost Whisperer, this song was just repeating inside my head. Beautiful is what i should say.

'Don't lie and say that it's okay.

It's alright if nothing's more to say.'

-Midnight Hour

I over-think on Valentines Day. But then the best decisions are made without thinking. And with her, i always over-think stuffs. Some i regret while some were the best moments in my life. I was about to tell her. Tell her to give me another chance. I was day-dreaming about that moment. But then she asked me: "Who is your valentine?" "No one. Who is yours?" " Him."

That feeling. Heartbroken. And seeing how happy she was when she said Him. I changed my mind and decided not to tell. She deserves to be happy and that's what i want her to be. And because of that, i shall write what i wanted to say:

Dear Pei Ern,

I'm sorry. Sorry for not keeping that promise i made. I just can't forget you. That 2 and a half months, i've been keeping myself busy but at the end of the day before i close my eyes, the last thought i have will always be you. I know that feeling you have towards me are long gone now, you found love in someone else. And i know that you're sad behind that smile of yours. Just know that i'm always here and always will be. I admit i'm kinda stubborn not wanting to let go. It's just that you're perfect. I actually complimented my heart for making me fall in love you. Cause you're what every guy wants. I never regretted loving you.

With that beautiful smile of yours that captured not only my heart, that elegance you have when you're thinking, that smell of yours that i can't seem to find else where, that bravery you held during those hard times. Everything about you is beautiful, don't change that.

Love,

Russell

I doubt she will ever hear me say that. But for now, my love just have to slow down. As i would always do: keep myself busy and at the end of the day hoping you're smiling while you're asleep.

This time again.

2011-02-11T00:20:00.005+08:00

I never liked Goodbyes. After all this time, i'm still not getting use to it. Haih. But life has it's way of getting into your way. That sometimes i don't even know how i ended up here. It's something that only we ourselves got caught thinking of ourselves: 2 and a half months, was it that short?

I remembered touching down Kuching, and my dad took me for Kolo Mee. And here i am now, going to Melbourne in about 6 hours. 2 and a half months. It was really worth it. It was really what i expected, a bit over i may say. But thank you. Thank you for everything. I never doubt myself for not having this much fun in Kuching.

Thank you Angelina, like i said you are always there for me. Going back to Melbourne, you and i both know is not what i want. Bringing back all the pain that i'd been avoiding all these months. But you helped me ease it up. You helped me smile. Thanks. And thanks for the cake you baked for me. Haha. It was really chocolatey. No worries. I'm not in the toilet begging for mercy. Haha. Memories we both share that no one knows. And i know that you're gonna find someone that you can talk to. I'm not gonna be online 24/7 u know. Hes' out there. Take care.

Prit. HAHAHAHA!! I HAVE SO MUCH FUN BECAUSE OF YOU! Remember Remember I reversed on the road just to take a picture with the bunny. It was really.. stupid. But i never regretted doing it. OH OH!! And the honking throughout the streets waking up the whole Pwo Kwong Park? Hahahha. I will never ever forget that night. Never. Thank you. You too was the one who made Kuching so exciting. Made me laugh everytime we two made contact. You made me happy.

When i was wishing for that moment, your face just appeared. I had mix feelings for this. My mind has trained itself to put you aside. My heart had just getting use to you. It's just i don't want this to happen. Not when i'm about to go back. Then i looked at those faces. These are the ones i should put in my wish too. Take care.

Every airplane i see, i always wish for that same wish. 11.11 too. Blowing out dandelions, Birthday candles. It's always that same wish. Everytime i wana find feelings i think of you. Cause you given me every inspiration of which i yearn for. Knowing you're getting happier, makes me stop worrying sometimes. You're strong. I know you don't see it yourself. But from what i see, you going through all those emotions and still smiling. Over-thinking and still made those decisions. That's the part of you that i really like. Don't lose that. When you're feeling like the world is just not fair. Take a deep breath. Think how far you've come and i know you can go through it just like you went through all those ups and downs in the past. :)

Remember that summer, we dance in the park.

Round and round we spun with itching on our legs.

Remember that walk we had towards the front door.

With laughters and smiles, i'll never forget.

Go with the flow, i did but it just stayed the same.

And to top all off, i wonder why it came.

Imaginations i built up in my head,

Worrying is what it is, stop thinking so much again.

Cause when i see your smile,

i'll try to find a way to freeze time.

I pray and i pray for you to be fine.

And this made me close my eyes.

That one wish that i made for me,

Gave me hope that i'm still smiling.

How have you been, girl? Are you still that same girl?

I admit i miss you so,

But that's all it will ever be.

I'm fine, i'm very fine, i'm just singing out my soul.

What a fool i've been, not knowing to stay cool.

You found love in someone new, someone who can make you smile.

I just hope he tells you that you're beautiful, everyday.

Cause when i see you smile,

I'll try to find a way to freeze time.

I pray and i pray for you to be fine.

And this made me close my eyes.

That one wish that was made for me,

gave me hope that i'm still smiling.

How have you been girl? Are you still that same girl?

I admit i miss you so,

But that's all it will ever be.

- Russell Hee

Goodbye Kuching. Memories that i only have. Melbourne, welcome me back.

These Hands, His Love.

2011-01-28T11:03:00.005+08:00

And it's been so long since i blogged. And it's been so long since i written down my feelings. But for this post i dedicate it to that two special people.

I know you miss me. And don't say i don't mention you in my heart. But i don't like breaking promises i made. Ian Teh. You're smiling right now aren't you? I'd just written like 5 sentences, my hair is already standing up. But it's okay, a smile is all i ever wanted. Wao. You read my blog. And i thought my blog is one that nobody reads. That night when you told me, that you actually miss me more than my hands, then i thought back to all those times. But then you and me, we are not different. We are just lovers lost in space. Found love in that special someone, fell head over heels over girls that we thought about everyday, written songs hoping that it was meant to be, in the end singing out it was the end. When you told me your story, i felt like we two are facing the same ending. Sad it was. But sometimes, what doesn't kills us makes us stronger. My hands are now kind of rough. Been carrying a lot of heavy stuffs lately. And you're telling me you're going to Sydney. I admit my hands are going to miss that guy who fell for them. That guy who showed me that no matter what everyone thinks how gay it was or how disgusting it was, he still kept on holding on to them. And i know why, cause it makes you happy. Who wants to let go to something that makes them smile automatically. It's not the end, Ian Teh, we are only 19 this year, you and me letting go of the past, writing songs as we go on, and once you know it, you be holding my hands once again. :) And i look forward in making music with you, my music needs a lil bit of indie. Haha. And this quote i give you :

What happened after last summer,

When we broke up in September.

I haven't see you , feels like a long time.

Sometimes it still hurts, but i always get by.

I still got a piece of you under my skin,

It's always there no matter where i've been.

So if i ever see you on the street, I'll pretend that i didn't see.

And turn my face, no use in small talks anyway.

Because if i look into your eyes, then i'll have to say goodbye.

And that i'll break my heart, so I won't even start.

I wish you luck and i wish it true,

That's the best i can do for you.

Cause you'll probably find love, in someone new.

I have to let go, it's hard to do.

So if i run into you with your arm by his side,

Just know it will cut me like a knife.

- David Choi

This, Ian, would be the song i wanted you to listen. Some move on faster while some heals at a slower pace. Got to stop thinking of 'What might have been' and start with 'What should have been'. Know that there's still more than this. :)

The second part is to my bestest best friend who's been there for me throughout this 2 months. Time goes by fast without us even knowing. I have so much to do. I still don't want go back. Here is the place where everything that happened in Melbourne pauses. It may still hurt but there's still that air that makes it peaceful. And that happened when i'm with her. Thank you. Thank you just for being there. You may have doubts that you're not doing good, and that you wanted to give more. But trust me, you being here everytime i needed someone, just makes my heart feels like there's more beautiful things out there in the world that i haven't realize. I know that you're not good at giving advices and sometimes when you try, it just makes me laugh. But that's what i want, a person trying to be what i'm hoping for, a friend. I'm hoping you can come to Melbourne, it will be great. And 2 weeks time left in Kuching, haih. 2 months just whooosh past. If you still don't know who you are, you memang still blur. You're that girl who said i look like Harry Potter during Pri School. -.-

And we been friends since Pri school. All those ups and downs. Haha. I'm glad we met up with Sam and Kev and Ian. And how we brought up all those silly moments in Pri School. That 5 years gap of not seeing all 3 of them and we still talk like that 5 years never happened. Haih. I remembered i had a crush on you. I never regretted i like you. Cause you're just amazing. I can tell the whole spring that i once like you if u dared me. Haha. Tell him, let him know that you are who you are. And trust me, he will like you. Get to know him first la. I know you're crazy over him. Being a stalker and all. I'm proud. Cause once you're in love, everything just turns into that someone.

I'm okay. That's all i'm saying. I admit sometimes i'm pretending, but i'm trying my very best. And don't ever say you're relying on me. Cause i'm relying on you to give me the best 2 weeks of my life here in Kuching. Tell me, tell me everything. :)

2011.

2011-01-11T12:32:00.006+08:00

2010 went by so fast that goodbyes were too slow to catch it's eyes. 10 seconds before midnight, chanting of countdowns could be heard from all around Taiwan. And me, Gary, Dunstan and Ah Choong looked up to Taipei 101. Colours flying and explosions booming as everyone were in awe.

Taiwan welcomed us 2011 in explosions that i would never forget. Taiwan was fun. It's different from melbourne without the skyscrapers and angmos and english and expensive stuffs. Too many memories and laughters me, Gary, Dunstan and Ah Choong had. We went shopping. Temptations were always seducing us. With shoes i want to have and jackets i want to buy. 臭豆腐 was indeed 臭 and the 'Roti Canai' there was my favourite. :) Then there was one Risotto restaurant which has a dog there. A Golden Retriever! Cute as it watches us eating it's Risotto. Pictures in facebook. :)

There's beautiful girls all over the world. I could be chasing but my time would be wasted, they got nothing on you, girl. Indeed there were many. Then there was 罗志祥 in 西门叮. Hundreds of screaming fans stood with the cold wind as they watched him promoting his new book. And then me and Gary went into his shop : Stage. Love at first sight as i saw that purple sleeve kinda waving at me. Then my heart and my mind went like: You gotta have her.

Listen to The Maine - Saving Grace. With my head building up thoughts my heart knows that it just doesn't want to believe in. Having faith that one day, and maybe just one day it might happen. Sometimes wishing on airplanes or talking to the moon or betting with fate or birthday candles or a lucky penny are things we want to believe in cause deep inside us it means a lot to us. Risky to do it and i know consequences would always follow. I'm just a normal human being which by any case limited edition and like anyone else different from one another. But she's giving me feelings i feel not towards anyone else. Then it began with the falling apart. Things would be better if i were not terrified. She's slipping away.

"Why did you go so far away?

I have to know, if there's a way

this might change."

"I don't believe that anybody,

Feels the way i do about you now."

Guess for now like Justin Bieber says: Close my eyes and Pray.

Terrified Busy.

2010-12-27T10:34:00.004+08:00

I only said it cause i mean it.
I only mean it cause it's true.
So don't you doubt what i've been dreaming.
Cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever i'm without you.

Me, Angel and Hugh sleeping in the car with the wind blowing through the open window and Joe Jonas's 'Gotta Find you' in the background. I miss Kuching. Everything's just simple. Simple is good. I guess i miss simplicity. Been kind of busy lately. With work, outings, music and then there's taiwan. But still, my blog is a place i would like to read when i want to relive the past. :)

I'd been here 1 month and i heard stories bout my friends' life changing. Where back in the old days, working or earning money was just in the future. But now we are practically pre-adults. Struggling to earn money. Friends who work only at night. Friends who already earned 4000$ a month. Friends who got kicked out of State cause of smuggling drugs. Friends who work because of their loved ones. We're growing up. But we're still friends. That's what not changing.

It's been great driving around Kuching. I feel old. Going around town. Meeting friends. Kuching produced a lot of restaurants and cafe. How does cheap and simple food can taste so good? Going through the past. I'm glad but somehow i feel empty.

And i'd been working too. Got a job working as a Maxis Broadband promoter. And my first day of work was in Sri Aman. Hahaha. Looking back, we did a lot of lying promoting to the Malays. We're not racist. It's just business. While me and Woon Shan just stand there handing out flyers. That 3 days were fun and tired. It's my first seeing Sri Aman and it was kampung-ish but the views were breath-taking. Mother Nature is no doubt beautiful. Memories that Terry, Woon Shan and I share. Just lepak in a place where our boss can't see us. 50sens hotdog. Eating clams. Bird-poop. Gossiping. Inside Jokes.

- "You think with the TV on and you messaging, I can sleep meh?" Then i straight sleep. Haha.
- It's okay. I come Sri Aman only teman you both sleep nia. Lian chou chou nia ma. You guys oso knt see.

My grandparents are getting old. But they're still cute because they're old. Haha. With my grandpa's hearing problem, we have to talk really loud with every eyes turn to you. He's memory is not that good too. Which made me have to answer the same questions everytime. My grandma still makes the best Kacang-ma. :) She still walks and eat like she's 20. I'm gonna miss them so much when i'm gone.

But can't say i don't miss Melbourne. With T9 being the hang-out spot of my gang. Where Pui Ping, Gary, Wesley would just come in my room like it's theirs. Waking up and looking at Yan Jie's sleeping face. Walking down to Melbourne Central. Complaining the movie tickets are too expensive. Complaining albert house's fried rice. Walking to Trinity early in the morning. Come to think of it, i can't believe i actually walk everyday in Melbourne.

With believes we sought to after,
With times we sought to gain,
Love and anger we thought
are always both the same.

I can't believe you're dat type of person. And i trusted you all this while. You shouldn't use love as a tool to fill up your loneliness. I'm just disappointed. Angry not at myself for trusting you but because you did it not only to me but on others. Don't stop believing in love. It is always betrayal and anger and jealousy that's pushing you away from it. Just stop. You're prince charming will come.

And this could be good,
it's already better than that.
And nothing is worse,
than knowing you're holding back.

I could be all that you need,
If you could let me try.

Been addicted to this song lately. It's just the whole song just kind of fit of what i'm thinking. I'm in love and i'm terrified for the first time and the last time in my only life. I'm at the edge of my emotions, watching the shadows burning in the dark. Katharine Mcphee and Zachary Levi - Terrified.

This week.

2010-12-13T08:39:00.007+08:00

I close my eyes and I can see a better day.

I close my eyes and pray.

It's been a week already. Well, Kuching change in small ways. And it's always the million small things that makes things special. I touched down Kuching and the first thing my dad took me was to eat Kolo Mee :) It was worth the wait. Being in Kuching, it's just slow and lazy. My hometown, and i miss it. But inside of me, i know i miss Melbourne.

But we can't tell the future now,

But that's just the beauty of the world we know.

Don't know what the tomorrow brings, but i'm still hoping,

That you're the one for me.

Last Friday, was Woon Shan birthday and well I surprise the whole fui gang :) Well, not all la. I'd always been happy with fui gang. I mean they would always make me forget. Forget bout the pain. But like any drug, you still have to go back to reality. I would share my heart with them, we would always do spontaneous stuff. We would always bully little kids. We would always do some crazy stuff. But what makes them even more special is we are always there when one of us needs us. Can't say that we are all the same, and because of the difference in us we would eventually quarrel. But at the end of the day, we go back to each other, forgetting what hurt us. I'm not gonna waste this 2 and a half months. Even if it's just chilling at home or just standing outside MBO, cause u guys are worth my time.

I was thinking about her, thinking bout me.

Thinking bout us, what we gonna be.

Open my eyes.

It was only just a dream.

Going back to my father's snoring, my mom's nagging, my sisters playing Wii, Honeys hydrophobia, Grandma's kacang ma, Grandpa's corny jokes. It all continues where i left off. But for one thing, i forgot how to go around Kuching and that leads to bad driving. I know Spring, but thats all. I don't remember how to get there. And that's bad. Very bad. Had been Melbournized. Swanston Street and Russell Street are the only places i remember. And for, had been working this few days. Need money to go to KL. Somethings are worth fighting for, in this case, earning for. Just hope everything will go as planned.

Planetshakers song had been stuck in my head since i got back. "All i want is you, Jesus, no one loves me like you do." "There is no one like you, no one like you, Lord, You are so holy." "You are the strength of my life, Lord. It doesn't matter what may come my way." "Won't you dance with me? Oh lover of my soul." Maybe it's because i miss Planetshakers. Maybe it's because i'm praying everyday it get better. Maybe because i just need hope. Maybe because it hurts too much. Maybe because I'm calling out. Whatever it is, i'm glad i have a God that's awesome.

You believe in lies,

like the ones you told yourself.

With your heart out on your sleeve,

Make a note to say, "it's not over till it's gone"

Is there time for you and me?

"2am and the rain is falling, here we are at the crossroads once again. You're telling you're so confused. You can't make up your mind. Is this meant to be? You're asking me.

But only love can say: try again or walk away. But i believe for you and me, the sun will shine one day. So i just play my part. Pray you'll have a change of heart. But i can't make you see it through. That's something only love can do.

In you arms as the dawn is breaking. Face to face and a thousand miles apart, i've tried my best to make you see. There's hope beyond the pain. If we give enough, if we learn to trust.

I know if i could find the words, to touch you deep inside. You'll give our dreams just one more chance. Don't let this be our last goodbye."

Trademark - Only Love.

I guess she'd move on. She succeeded. At least i was once the reason behind her smile. Trying hard everyday to forget. Forget those first and special moments. How could she say it's for the best when my best moments was always with her. But i made a promise. 2 and a half months is gonna be my hardest. Every news i hear, every status i see. I just wana get involve. Praying that she's happy everyday cause she deserves it. Praying that she will be fine without me by her side, praying i will too. Music will do her good and it will always be my gift for her. 'Seasons' will be the title of my new song.

The harder you try to forget something, the more you think about it unconsciously.

This year.

2010-12-04T05:14:00.004+08:00

:) It was what i thought college would be. But unexpectedly, things pop out the way i prayed it did and i prayed it did not. I miss it. I will miss those moments. Happy, heartbreaking, sad, awkward, breathtaking, magical, funny.................. It was these moments that made these year awesome.

18th January, 2010, i came to Melbourne, Australia and now i'm leaving. I came here. Making sure i won't change. Making sure i won't lose myself in it. Making sure everything would just go my way. But it din. I'm glad it didn't. I'm happy being the person i changed into. Trying my best to the right thing everytime. Going back to Kuching, will just tell me that going overseas changed me. Everything was perfect this year, with memories only i have. Memories that makes me wana relive it all. Memories are meant to be. Where everything is only but just that very moment you can remember.

I'm really gonna miss Melbourne. We realize that we kind of get attach to things just before we are about to go. And like how i feel when i first left Kuching, I'm gonna miss Melbourne.

1) My gang: Gary, Wesley, Pui Ping. They were always there. No matter what. We 4 will stick togather no matter how thick or thin the situation is. Funny moments were always what we aim for. Remember that time, Wesley was changing shirt and he threw his shirt in the toilet bowl? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That was EPIC!! Nothing can replace that! Gary was always the one that talk cock the most. Pui Ping, well, no matter what i said or what i did, i'm always gonna treat u like my sister. I can't help it.

2) Trinity College was far. But I did the effort everyday walking to and fro from albert house. I sort of miss it. Walking to swanston, royal parade, evan burge. I'm gonna miss drama. I'm gonna miss skipping EAP. How we watch porn in M&C. How me and Tico played PSP during maths. How i would always find my way to skip lit tute just to be with her. I'm gonna miss always waking up for HOI tute cause i noe she will be there. How music class was always a source of encouragement. Trinity College, Thank you. For being that awesome. For telling me that there's schools like this. Meeting friends.

3) Albert House to me is the best. It's not the food, the accomadation, the internet but it's the friends i made. The friends that i feel comfortable with everytime we passed by the hallway. I'm gonna miss each and everyone one of you. :( Well, with everything that happen, i'm glad i came to Albert House. Thank you for letting meet people i'm close with, her, awesome friends.

4) Melbourne. Those drunken people, singers on the streets, friendly people. Kuching don't have this stuff. Walking is the transport i always used. Hungry Jacks was always my favourite fast food. Pool was my favourite pastime. With four seasons that i had experience here, i know nothing can beat Melbourne's PMS. Just gonna miss u. I know you'll be the same when i come back next year.

5) Planetshakers IS AWESOME!! I really am gonna miss Planetshakers. Honestly, it was the music that introduced me to God. Music is magic beyond our imagination. Gonna miss every morning walking to Dallas Brooks. I'm not gonna stop worshiping everyday. Thank you for this year. :)

Reading my older blog posts, i can say each and everyone of them has you in it. This year, my saddest and happiest part has always been you. Like i said, i didn't regret the things i did, i'm just regretting the things i didn't do when i had the chance. Liking you made me realize the beauty of love. I'm really gonna miss you every second of the day. I know it's gonna be hard, but i promise you. A promise my heart is telling me not to make. Not giving up that easily is what it wants me to do. Just go with the flow, k?

1) Try, She is Love, Teenage Dream, Superman, Rather be with you are the songs you liked. Each of them triggered memories that i can't stop reliving it. Try was the song i introduced to you before flare dance. She is love was your favourite song from Parachute, and i noe the band version. Superman was always the song i wanted to sing to you and you would smile everytime i sing it. Teenage Dream was the song you would dance crazy to. Rather be with you was the song you played when i was in your room. But 'so close' would be always and forever my favourite song. :)

2) I know i was stupid but i would do anything just to be with you. Remember how you always to tell me to go to lit tute, and i would give excuse not to? Remember every Wednesday we would walk back from royal parade? Remember I would always wake up to go to HOI tute? Remember Thursday we would walk to royal parade eventhough my piano lesson starts at 4pm?

3) There was one time you ask me what i like about you. Countless things. It's just you. You and that sweet smell. You and that smile. You're just you and that's what i like. Don't ever change, k?

Those things that we did. It's not what i want to forget. It's just the feelings. But the memories are always easier to forget. Thank you, for always being my friend. Eventhough, i did try not to. But you pulled me back and made me realize why i fell in love with you. So little time i had with you. You're the first girl that my thoughts were not unspoken of. I can tell you everything. Cause in front of you, i suck at lying. And it all started with a dream, and i guess that's where it will always be. Slow dancing with legs bitten with mosquitoes but i didn't wanted to let go. Thanks for the memories :)

Happy belated birthday!!

Should had post this days ago. But didn't have time to. And i notice something, 'my way' :D Well, we promised not talk to each other during this 2 and a half months right? Haha. But in my heart, you noe i can't do that.

'Imyalready.'

Dreams.

2010-11-24T18:38:00.003+08:00

Remember the couple i saw slow dancing to? I saw them just now again. :) They looked so happy. With smiles and laughter. Ignoring the world around them. It's just him and her and all other people have nothing to do. I smiled unexpectedly. And it is the unexpected that showed us who we really are.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky,

are like shooting stars?

I can really use a wish right now.

Walking. Dreaming. I dreamed big. My music's gonna move the world. Smiles and tears collide with the beat of my songs. Thinking. Imaginations became melodies and little notes. Lyrics picture framed. With people walking passing by me, not knowing with different thoughts behind their heads. Roads less taken should become roads we get used to. That's what life should be like. Changing songs are changing my mood. I don't like these complications. With 2 examiners determining my fate into Melbourne university. Let God decide. I tried my best. My hands moved with what i know. Cause the future i do not know about and i don't want to promise anything. Undecided with all the facts i know but with the feelings i got used to. These uncertainties i am thinking would not become certain unless i try. And with trying would i grow.

I wish that 我能和你分享. Cause these things that you are telling me, 说不出你对我的感觉. 我还是呼吸着但是还怕伤害你. 不要听我所说的话, 只要你相信我就可以了. In your mind, you're just playing with yourself. 不要在玩了，你认真的时候还是很可爱。Oh crap, i'm starting to miss you again. 但是说实在, 我开始每一天慢慢的放弃. 那时你问我：“我穿的奇怪吗？” 我多么想要答，You're beautiful as always. 后悔了。不是时候。Emo ah? I'm just thinking. Thinking too much again. These are my thoughts unspoken.

Quotes.

2010-11-19T16:46:00.003+08:00

I like the last one :) Sometimes when i think too much, I just go look for quotes. U may never know what u'll find. It just tells me that people out there are facing some same problems i'm going through. Giving me advices that gave me hope. Giving me realization that sometimes it's not that bad at all.

Listening to Like we used to. I just hope i'm not gonna regret it. Since i came here, i'd been going through the same problem. And it's all that same someone. Pathetic. My mind keeps telling me to give up. My heart just loves who she is. My mind keeps telling me you guys are not gonna be long. My heart just wants to hold her when she cries. My mind keeps telling me liking her is just gonna make things worst. My heart just wants to see her happy. My mind keeps telling me maybe it's just a crush. My heart just wants to prove my mind wrong.

This feelings are complicated. Like my head had been thinking bout this questions the whole year. But what i know of, what that everything feels like when i'm with her, what that feelings are, I like her. :) She just will never know i guess. Ya. Typical drama moment here. But I guess it's true. I finally knew the feeling.

But whatever happens, in the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make. And i don't want to live a life full of regrets. Regrets in my past. But never regretting the stupid mistakes i took.

Thinking.

2010-11-11T16:00:00.006+08:00

Drama's over. And though I keep complaining about going all the way to FSC and doing the props and music and stuff. I kind of miss it. Where me, Lewis, Sita and Eileen would just go to Carlton Park and rehearse. People would just look at us. Going to Eileen's place and eat scones. Haha.

I made a nice tree. A VERY nice tree :D

Please forgive me, Mom. But u're gonna have blue grandkids.

I was blue. Most of me i think.

And that's a wrap. Nice working with you people. Had an awesome time. :)

Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation.

Half of my heart takes time.

Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you

that i can't keep loving you.

With half of my heart.

My dream changed. Last night, was different. Different than the others. For countless i'd been dreaming the same thing. But different it was last night. Right and wrong at the same time. Questioning oneself when you doubt yourself. But don't doubt yourself, when everything you do was always what you always wanted.

You know like sometimes the unexpected happened. My hands would just continue playing the same note over and over again. It's just stuck there. My mind knows and wanted things. I just can't put them into actions. Not just yet or never will. The feeling of not doing nothing is not good. Blaming myself if i screw this up. Cause all i ever wanted was to say I'm always here.

Don't keep hoping. I did the most risky and stupid thing when i confirmed myself of it. And i do not want her to do the same. Cause the more i know her, the more my heart melts. Sigh. Sigh. Sigh. How can i do that to her? And she was as beautiful as ever. :)

Maybe I'm Not ready, But i'll Try for your love.

We've been hiding enough.

If i give you my heart, will you just play the part?

Or say it's the start of something beautiful?

If i say you're the one, would you believe me?

Cause no matter what, i'm going to try for your love.

Birthday Girl.

2010-11-06T13:19:00.003+08:00

I don't usually blog like a day after I blog. But today's a special day :)

Happy Birthday Girl!!

You and I both know that you're 可爱又美丽. Haha. Still remembered the day you translate you're name for me. You always crack me up.

You may not know this. But you'd saved me when i went back. You showed me even though the world and love had beaten me down, there's still beauty in it. You showed me that hoping for things to change is one part of the story. You taught me to face the problem. Of course it was hard, there sure was consequences. Consequences that tear up my heart everytime i think about it. You taught me that without me facing it, i may not have today. Not knowing that what i expected did not happened. :)

Happy Birthday Kell!

This is why we do it, this is worth the pain.

This is why we bow down, get back up again.

This is where the heart lies, this is from above.

Love is this, this is love.

Expectations.

2010-11-05T18:49:00.003+08:00

To the Broken Hearted Girl:

It's sad ain't it? That very last drop of tear. Tells you what to do to heal your broken heart. Cause time doesn't heal, it just allows you to deal with it. So i'm glad you're dealing with it. He treated you badly. He played you. He used you. To thought it was Love. When the world was telling you not to, fools in love wanted to prove them wrong. But in the end, he won. It isn't wrong to love, it's just the way we love that decides the fate of the relationship. When you tell me the truth, my heart broke for you. It isn't always the right time to say i told you so. Keep telling me u're still smiling. But now i know, it isn't the smile of the face i wanted. It's the smile of the heart. It's hard. I know. With a broken heart, how can a smile be perfect? At the end of the day, you got to decide. Either to focus on what tears you apart, or what's holding you together. But all we can do now, is with our eyes close and pray. Step down for awhile. Let Him be on the stage. Just remember to answer His call when you're suppose to.

There's something about you now.

I can't quite figure out.

Everything she does is beautiful.

Everything she does is right.

Remember the time, where everything was right? The two of us. With the whole world not knowing of our existence? I miss that time. I knew you were mine. And you knew i was yours. It's just "You and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to prove." I got addicted to this song recently, and it just took me to the past. It really was everyone with nothing to do. We both were just trapped in our own world. Like that of the flying carpet. We did things that only both of us knew. Secretly know our own little secrets. And to think we talked about everything. From God to our future. But i'm to blame. I'm sorry. It's funny. To think that when at first it happened, it feels like it's your fault. And then, in time, when you come to your senses, you did nothing wrong.

It's just i'm confuse. I think. I think A LOT. I don't know it's because of my genes, or because i'm a music person, or because it's about you. I hate getting my hopes up. I hate having expectations. Cause i'm tired of falling down. I'd been escaping to music this few days. And to my friends back home, they all know it ain't a good thing. To think i have a chance with her. Does she even think of me? The whole world knows about my feelings for you, but you? With every frown she has, i wanted to hug her so badly. She doesn't know that when she smiles, a part of me shines. But then a part of me turns around and said: Stop hoping, start believing. I'm having dreams lately. Then my friend asked me: "Ask out the girl of your dreams." Young as i am. Do something stupid once in awhile. Cause once you look back, you're gonna regret not doing it. Cause of all the stupid stuff you did, life rewards us the smartness out of the stupidness. Russell ar, forget the risk, and take the fall. If it's what i want, it's worth it all.

Ya. I blurted what i been telling my music this whole week. Ya. Problem is, i got a lot of other things to stress about. Music is my escape. You are the strength of my life, Lord. It doesn't matter what may come my way :)

Smiled :)

2010-10-30T07:10:00.003+08:00

I woke up at 9. Just staring at the ceiling, listening to Parachute. I was drunk last night. Haiz. Not proud about it. Went clubbing for the first time here. And compare to Kuching. It's better. I drank and i dance and i puked. Well, at least i tried something new. Experience. That's life. Haha.

As i lay at my bed from 9-10. I thought. I flashbacked. And i notice because of her, half the time i don't even know i'm smiling :) It was Prom last night. Ya. I know. Prom then clubbing then drunk. But Prom was awesome!! With everyone wearing their best. I like it. Went there by limo. The Limo was like Boom Boom Boom!! But then there's glasses but no water. Haha. The food was nice. The music in the end was nice. The place was nice. The people were nice. She was so beautiful :)

I dance not so much during the prom. But due to the influence of alcohol, i dance like High during Seven. And Ping's face was so red. Wesley drank 3 shots and he was practically ain't walking straight. Gary drank 9 plus i think, and he was erhem erhem with any girl he sees. Yan Jie drank 20. Now that's my roommate.

Right now. My head still hurts. Hangover.......Need to sleep, can't sleep. So much happened last night. And it's those kind of moments where you look back, and u smile by yourself. Thinking of what more can you do that time. But in the end, you did enough. It's meant to be that way cause it's the past.

You're in my arms.

And all the world is calm.

The music playing on for only two.

So close together.

And when i'm with you.

So close to feeling alive.

It was magical. Really it was. I know for sure what i was thinking that time. I'm absolutely sure what i'm feeling. But all i could say is if i could had a chance to dance with you, i'll choose the song that never ends.

Thoughts in my head.

2010-10-26T18:17:00.004+08:00

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Because i've kept my heart under control,

But lately, all this time it's taking it's toll.

Said i tried to, but i can't hold back what's deep in my soul.

So darling, please believe me,

I want you and you just have to know.

There's always a time. 乱想, creating illusions i choose.

雨过了，天开了。I know for now what i want.

I tend to think a lot. That's where my melodies comes to life. But it's also where my problems comes.

以后我是猜不透。All i know is Now i'm...

I'ＭSORRY.

WHY!! WHY!! Do u have to be Like ThIS

Trap in two sides. 累了. 真的累了.

IH()75klskyf&h4brlskfy{)(&$#Hrklshfp97kHLKFHS97234hklwhfoi720394aklsli23y4LKFh9374

kfjskdj*kfjskdj*kfjsj*kfjskdj*kamp;OIHFI)(&@wh jbksjdf amp;OIHFI)(&@wh jbksjdf amp;OIHFI)(&@wh jbksjdf amp;OIHFI)(&@wh jbksjdf It all started with the girl who opened my door DSLDhf;oi2049723S:FH)(&$#HRK(&kdhgiey50239skflksdy09234

This is what my mind was few days ago. Confuse. Confuse till my body made me sick. Mentally and physically. Now. It's all clear up. I guess i'd made d right choice. It's been there the whole time. God's been giving me messages. Thank you :) I need to try. Maybe i'm not ready but i'll try. In the end, it's worth it cause she is.

2010-10-22T22:46:00.004+08:00

Confuse.

Tired of all these.

Headphones on.

"I'll be your getaway"

Spring.

2010-10-22T10:46:00.003+08:00

I'm still not use to it. Spring being this hot. But look on the bright side, at least it's getting me ready to go back to Kuching. With Flowers blossoming, and people wearing less clothes, i start wonder that it's almost time. Almost time to go home. Almost time. And 1 year is already gone. Like everytime we realize time just flew past by us, we look back at what we did back then. This time last year, i was getting ready for SPM. Haha. I was thanking God, for giving me parents that didn't pressurized me so much but they gave me space to manage my own time.

Ya. My mom and sisters are here in Melbourne. It's cool to see them here. I know my mom's excited and all because she get's to feel the feeling of seeing her first child overseas. Haha. Mom mom mom. But she didn't change. Still that very rushy rushy mom. But i still love you Mom :) My sisters changed. Both finish their big exams. Belle's grown taller. So much. Jasmine, well, just got bigger. Haha. Aladdin was my all-time favourite disney cartoon. Watching Aladdin, I remembered how my sister got her name, Jasmine.

And because, everytime i look her, i just smile. I can't say what i wanted to say. My mind goes: "She's so beautiful." With the leaves flying beautifully. You know, like Terry said, when you see something so beautiful, you straight away think about Her, cause to you, she's the source. I get what you mean. And because, everytime i wanted to say it's alright, i'm here. Things stopped me. Thinking that things would be better if i just left my thoughts unspoken.

But the more i think about it, i thought: I don't care about what the world thinks about us, all i care about is you.

Tell me, princess now when did you last let your heart decide?

You're it

2010-10-18T19:45:00.004+08:00

We can build a fort out of pillows in our living room

Lay tag in the kitchen like we used to do
I can hide, you seek.

Come find me

We can take our bikes to the park, you know the one downtown?
We can swing in the swings until the sun goes down
Nothing's changed with age :)

You're still as lovely as the first day

I told my mama you'd be mine one day
I'd be your everything, could not wait
I'm so happy to say i was right

You are the only, for me
I've known for so long
You make me feel right, child like
I'm right where i belong
With you

Teach me how to jump rope, i can teach you how to climb
Play ball, then you can help me color in the lines
Always knew, we'd make, a great team

I can be the cop, you're the robber since you stole my heart
or red rover i can wrap you up in my arms
or play house in our house

pigtails and hand-me-downs
couldn't disguise what you'd be
no, no, no...
I saw you then as i see you now
Perfect, lovely, worth it to me, all I'd ever need :)

Gabe Bondoc - You're it

Nice. Nice. It's these kind of songs that tells us that there are still people falling in love out there.

Happy Birthday Prit!! I know i'm a day late. But you know i always wanted people to remember me for something. Haha. 18 liao bo. Just don't get to carried away from being 18. You're a good guy. And you'll always be. Hahahahahaha. Thinking of you always always always made me laugh.

Remember the time, after badminton, me and you were going to Terry's house. Then we came upon a dog which chased us? Hahahaha. I just stood there while you ran like hell. Then you came back and pulled me away.
Remember during physics, we talked. Pn. Tay suddenly called us and asked what we were talking about. I answered: Discussing about Prit's father opening shop.
Remember during biology, Terry asked us to run towards the birds like madmen. Then when he said Go. You were the only one who ran.
Remember how every month we should shoot our dogs twice?
Remember when i asked my father: " What about those who wore red turbans?" He answered: " They are those who are anti-singh"
Remember my father scolded you for not allowing me to go to your party.
Remember the old man who cycled around Aman Briyani like 3 times.
Remember F4 was created because Brahma messaged me at 12am in the morning saying: "Russell, wana ask you something" "What?""Seriously la." "What la?" " You think me, you, Prit and Alan. Everyday go to toilet. Like F4 ar?" " Brahma, you messaged me early in the morning just to ask me this?""Ya. Seriously.""Ok. I mean. Sort of. We do have 4 people.""OK dude, nights" =.=
Remember the time you ask that nerd-looking boy to go cut his hair.
Remember everytime we will always definitely talk cock.

Talking to you, made me feel like i was back home. Now while typing this post, i'm wishing i can go back to those days where going to school would made me feel happy. It's not that now, i'm not happy going to school but it's just missing you guys.

Happy Birthday, Dude. With you, i can tell my kids that i have a Singh as a friend. And i'm proud of it. Not because you're a Singh and i'm proud. It's because you've always been there for me. Pulling me back when you see me been chase by a dog. Ya. That's cool. Haha. Thanks, Bro.

Ya. My face + your face = Priceless. Like literally no price at all.

When she's this close. When It's those kind of things that when it happen, you don't realize it happened. Ramming my head on the wall. Haiz. Just gotta sing it through. Btw, i'd made finish d song :) *evil laugh* Hohohohohohoho. Needs to be perfect. Very.

This week.

2010-10-12T17:47:00.000+08:00

2nd week is gotta be the most stressest week this term. With everything bottle up in one week. Media presentation, Eap presentation and Spring concert. This week is gotta be busy busy busy. Just get it over and done wit. But mom's coming this Friday, and i guess before something good, something bad have to happen, right?

My mom and sisters coming to melbourne is an awesome thing already, but she's bringing something that i can't wait for 3 more days. MACBOOK PRO!!!! Once she told me that she bought MACBOOK PRO, I was like MOM I LOVE YOU!! But the feeling of knowing u have something but can't really touch/play with it, is killing me. Once i have MACBOOK PRO, i'm gonna make a lot a lot of songs. Literally. There's still that song that's incomplete. Meant a lot to her if i finish it.

It's been a stressy week. But Wesley and Pui Ping showed me there's still funny stuffs in life. Facebook has dis iLike.com stuff and shows us about funny things. And we 3 were laughing the whole night, imagining stuff that only our mind finds it funny.

- "When a wasp is near you, everyone goes ninja"

- "Edward isn't a vampire. He lives in the forest, he doesn't eat people, he sparkles. He's obviously a fairy"

- "3 am phone call. Hey are you asleep? No. I'm skydiving"

Sunday. Pastor Matt was talking about Kids. Sometimes, Kids are what inspire or motivates us. When he was talking about kids and how we forgot what we were, I was thinking of Abigail and Amanda. The little things that they do, it all makes sense.

How they were always determined to get whatever they want.
How when they get bored with something, they turned to something else.
How with the littlest things, made them smile and laugh.
How when they fight, neither one of them wanted to lose.
How they never hold grudges.
How they always share with each other, even though they just fought.
How they never failed in showing what they were feeling.

Like Kids do, it never hurts to draw outside the lines. As long as you drew on the paper.

Tears falling down and I dry them all for you.

You fell to the ground but I Picked you up.

And you know I'm always here.

And you know, i won't disappear.

Be your Getaway.

Love makes you do stupid stuffs. I ain't saying it's a bad thing. It's just love. But i din noe i'll be one of them. Standing there, waiting. Expecting the unexpected. At least i tried and i'm glad of it. Had you have one of the times, where you would just day-dream of what would and what could. Seeing that cute smile. Just makes the day all worth it. And that's what I like about her the most. If we could read their minds, would we find any trace of us at all? That's the difference between them and us.

" I'm no Superman, i Hope you like me as i am. "

Find me.

2010-10-01T19:09:00.002+08:00

2 more days till the start of Term 4. It's gonna be tough, i can feel it. With everything coming to an end. But it's only the end of this year's chapter and i want to know how's it gonna end. Time flies so fast. Still remember the day, i passed up my literature essay. And now, it's already pass 3 weeks. I'm gonna miss it. There's this feeling that i'm not done with something. Maybe it's the feeling of not wanting to accept reality. Haha. But what to do. It's gonna be Term 4, then the end. You better know what you're about to do. Don't regret it.

Yesterday, we went Paintballing. IT HURTS LIKE HELL!! I was shot. Shot. But counter-strike paid off, not of it's shooting but it's team-work. Me and Wesley were a two-men team. We were so Good. That head-shot was worth it. As my adrenaline was being pumped. I shoot a guy, but i missed him. He raised his hand up, surrendering. So ok. But when i looked away. HE SHOT ME!! HE SHOT ME!! I took cover. Calling Wesley to backstabbed him. He practically FRONTSTABBED me! He didn't even...I let him go. And he shoot me. There should be a law on this. On rage, i shoot Felix with continuous headshot. Sorry Felix!!

Love problems around the air. Listening to love. I gotta say, it still is the biggest inner problem in everybody. True love is hard to find, but it's even harder to hide. Pui Ping right? I know you're confuse. It's always that same thing. That very same thing that always screw things up in love. We expect. We expect stuff that we don't even know it's gonna happen. You're strong. I know you are. Just don't hide it too much. I can see through that smile of yours. My arms are always open. Our God is awesome :)

Just one mistake. Can really lead to something unexpected. As i was surfing through Youtube, i click on a link that i didn't want to. And it lead me to this:

Boyce Avenue. I fell in Love. With the music and the lyrics. "So many nights trying to hide it, but now i stay awake pleading for more. To think this heart was divided, i'm losing sleep cause i can't ignore."

"The fairytale inside in your head has become your new best friend. But i can assure you, that i'll be there before the story ends."

True. True. True. "There you are with your perfect way. You've got that little shine in your eyes. To hear one word would make my day. But there's no room in your life." Support them. Din noe they even made their own songs. Their covers were already awesome. But now they're making songs. Wow. Thats like awesomer.

' I miss you. '

Fortnights.

2010-09-25T13:11:00.004+08:00

Trying to write words to the perfect song.

But nothing will rhyme, nothing sounds right

Now you're gone.

Holidays. And i thought that holidays are suppose to be a time of resting. I'm glad it turned out to be tiring. Means i'd done stuff. I'm still missing m'sia though. 3 weeks of holiday and i can't spent it in M'sia seems a bummer. But still... i'm making more memories den ever.

Me : (Looking at Wesley) Cause when i'm with him, i am Thinking of you. Thinking of you.

Wesley: That sounds so wrong.
Me : Love hurts. With a guy but still thinking of another.

Wesley: But still, sounds so wrong from you.

Hahahahahaha. With Gary gone to Perth. Me and Wesley gone from chadstone to St.Kilda. Boxhill to Hoyts. We were going to St.Kilda and there was this parade. We wanted to cross it. So we sort of participated in the parade. Ya. Going in the opposite flow of people ain't good. Never was. But we made it out alive. And we were the only ones wearing short pants. Belum sampai Beach sudah dalam Beach clothes dy.

We went shopping. Exploring. Eating. 'Sightseeing'. And Melbourne IS beautiful. 1 more week to go. More places to go. Not gona waste.

It's hard. That was really a hard goodbye. I know the moment it happened, you never really wanted it to let go. Everything moves on, i guess. Even time. It's painful to not knowing either to wait or give up. Waiting is like waiting for something that isn't going to happen. But at the verge of giving up, you think of the reason why you held on for so long. Made me get used to it now. And to think that hands fit perfectly, but that's not love. Love is about finding those hands that are willing to hold yours no matter how unfit they are.

This world has lots to offer

But at times it will go dark

And if this love, is what we see it is

I'm sure we will go far.

Last year, i watched Ghost from Girlfriend's past with my mom and my mind just automatically remembered one quote: "Any pain that you feel will never ever compare to the regret that comes from walking away from love." I know why my mind did that. Cause it's so true. Keep telling yourself, if you want something you never had, you've got to do something you've never done. Never regret cause at one point you really wanted it.

'The best lyrics are the ones that gives you goosebumps, or make you cry in public, or help you realize you answers.'

-That guru

Webcam moments

2010-09-10T09:12:00.005+08:00

Looking at d webcam pictures me, Terry and Prit had. Stupid but i like it. No wait. I love it. Here's the story.

Me and Prit were like erm..doing our thing. Then suddenly

BOOM!! We were changed by an unknown power. Prit became Hunchback of Malaysia, Terry became the Ninja who can't talk and me being well Me :P

They were jealous. Cause i did not change. So kungfu fighting. And i was like: Wad? I'm just being who i am.

So hidden in every chinaman's gene lies kungfu fighting. And so i beat the crap out of Prit and Terry (Non-chinese).

And well... They were too brutally hurt that their video can not be viewed. Haha. Never underestimate a chinese.

I miss u guys so much!! U all are so far away and yet u can still make me laugh. Made me forget things that should be forgotten. Fui gang always will makes my day. Hahahahahaha.

There was one time, me, Terry and Prit were on Oovoo. Then i can't hear them, but i still can see them. So, i chatted with them through d chat window.

Me: Eh! I can't hear u guys.

Prit: Racist ar? Y knt hear us?

Terry: Australia is totally racist!

Me: Dono. Suddenly like i can only c u guys lips move.

Prit: Sexy?

Me: I tink it's too sexy till i can only c u guys move.

Terry: Damn son! So how? Still can't hear?

Me: Yup. Racist australia. Wad to do?

Terry: Come back m'sia la. At least we can fight racism togather

Me: Ya man. I would like dat. But i can't i just can't

Terry: Swim back la! And we'd be crossing NZ and Vomits!

Prit: So i want to ask a question.

Me and Terry: ?

Prit: Tell me what's d point of webcaming IF we are still chatting? MSn bEtter la!!

HAHAAHAHAHAAHAAHA!! Cracks me up everytime. :)

U wear pink like it's so sexy.

U guys din change. Still the ones that made me happy even wen i'm suppose to be sad. It's ok wei. December. December. Only 2 and half more months :) Just don't do too much fui stuff without me.

To Her:

I've been thinking. Thinking. Thinking. Possibilities. But i guess u've made d right choice. It's ur decision, not mine. But i jz thought u were more happy. And that's how i want to see u. Happy. Just don't regret it like last time. You've gone through more pain. Goodbyes were always the hardest. I know when you parted, u still turned ur head and looked back. U're still hurt, i can feel it. A word of advice: Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. There will still be scars reminding you, what you had been but don't let it take you where you don't want to go. Smile ya? Make it a true smile. After all, we are humans, fighting for what we want to feel. Always here for you.

'Guess i'm still in love with that smile.'

Just the way you are.

2010-09-03T09:25:00.002+08:00

Her eyes, her eyes, makes the stars look like they're not shining.

Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying.

She's so beautiful and i tell her everyday.

I know, I know, when i compliment her she don't believe me.

And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what i see.

But every time she asks me do I look okay?

I say...

When i see your face, there's not a thing that i would change.

Cause you're amazing just the way you are.

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile.

Cause girl you're amazing just the way you are.

Her lips, her lips, i could kiss them all day if she let me.

Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but i think it's so sexy.

She's so beautiful and i tell her everyday.

You know, you know, you know, i never ask you to change.

If perfect is what you're searching for, then just stay the same.

So don't even bother asking if you look okay.

You know i say..

You're amazing just the way you are :)

This song has been stuck in my head since i downloaded it. I tink i'm in love with it. Guess every sentence means something to me. GREAT SONG!! I'd downloaded every cover of the song, and i even made my own cover. Haha. That's wad people in love do right?

Last week, i took the train down south. Tired. Sleepy that time. But something made my day. Something special. Like those kind of moments in life where you look back, and smile. I was staring out the window when the train stop. Then, there was this guy who looks like Ozzy Osbourne and he was holding his daughter's hand. When the train started to move, the daughter waved goodbye, with her lips saying 'Bye bye' to me :) I don't even know her. I didn't even looked at her. But she waved goodbye with that cute little smile. I smiled d whole journey while flashing back to that girl. Innocence. Big things really do come in small packages. Haiz. Just that, life is full of beauty, we just have to notice it, even the littlest things.

Terry, my nigga son! Gratz dawg! We'd been best buds for since the day we met, but i know this time you've made d right choice. The right choice for expressing. Haha. You've had you're ups and downs. And i've been through all your ups and downs. And all i can say is this time i think it's worth it. Better appreciate it. Cause time is always never much. You've till year-end. So cherish. Spend every moment of the time, making memories. Memories that i wana hear wen i go back. Haha. Gratz, bro. For' sha? It's LBC!! WE all be running the hood wen i roll back. (Saying all the nigga slang that i know cause u're the best-non-black-but-is-black-son i'd known)

'Listen closer to the songs i sing, cause the lyrics say the words i fail to speak.'

Moved.

2010-08-27T12:04:00.005+08:00

As we passed by Federation Square this morning, I remembered. Early of the year, i visited Federation Square for the first time. I passed by a group of people. Dancing only to the music plugged into their ears. I was amazed. Back in Kuching, if people just suddenly dance without passer-by hearing the music, we would think them weird. But here, i guess it's freedom. Then 2 people stood out from everyone :) Both of them were hugging each other with the earplugs in one of each other ears. They were slow dancing. It was so.....nice and beautiful. It was like they don't care about the outside world, with the eyes staring and d looking down upon. All they care bout is each other. Beautiful, just beautiful.

You know you're missing someone, when the first thing in ur head every morning is them.

You know you're missing someone, when thinking bout their smile is always what makes u smile.

You know you're missing someone, when you think what might happen with them even if it's impossible.

You know you're missing someone, when you walk past a place where memories exist.

You know you're missing someone, when every single detail about them seems to always wander in your mind.

You know you're missing someone, when you will try every possible way to be with them.

You know you're missing someone, when you try to sing out lyrics thats related to them.

You know you're missing someone, when every night before you sleep you pray to God to protect them.

You know you're missing someone, when unknowingly they are all you think about.

It's hard. Confusing. But i just know that to 'Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about.'

Term 3 is coming to an end. It's already week 7. And then week 8 then week 9. Then Holiday. It's so fast. 2 assignments left and then freedom. We've already planned where we gotta go during the holidays. I'd promised myself to not let this 3 weeks of holiday to go to waste. It's gonna be memorable. Cause after dis holiday, there won't be any holidays from trinity.

I've made up my mind cause i believe in You :) Thanks.

' I am the instrument of the living God,

My life a melody to His name.'

Mash-up Thoughts

2010-08-13T09:34:00.002+08:00

To Him:

The more you hide your feelings for someone, the more you fall for them. Just go ahead. You've been talking about her for months. And i know, that she means every little thing to you. Her every move, the way she talk. Whenever she's down, i know you're thinking of how to make her forget. You like her a lot. She is the risk you always take. If you really like her, you wouldn't be afraid to tell the whole world. She broke your heart, but she is also the one that makes your heart beat fast. My dad once told me that there's no wrong in liking someone. There's really no wrong in that. You told me that she doesn't want to start a relationship. But it's still not wrong to like her. Don't stop liking her. Just remember her smile is all worth it.

To Her:

You finally stop dancing with tears in your eye :) And don't ever let history repeat itself again. Haha. I'm just very proud of you. I know it was hard and i know you haven completely forgotten. But just don't. Remember him. Not for the pain. But for those times when he was there. Memories that never changes. Emo you still are. Smile, not just to make him jealous to see you're happy without him but also for yourself. I mean, we only have one life, why waste it on frowning when smiling is always the good part of the day. For everything we do, we are only humans.

Dear God, protect Honey. Please. Just don't take her away now. I want to see her. One last glance and one last hug will do. I know she's old and depress. But, i really miss her. That news made me can't sleep the whole night. She's always been there for me and i just want to be there for her one last time. Just before i go back, protect her.

I'm still confused. Melb Uni? Berklee? Boston Uni? NYU? Monash? The biggest decision that always determines your life. Haiz. Can i not make this decision and just go back to M'sia? And get killed by my mom. Zzz. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! Stressy stress! Give me a week. I can make up my mind by then. I hope.

That weekend.

2010-08-02T09:54:00.006+08:00

ALBERT HOUSE HAS NO HOT WATER!! Dis is no.1 on my complain list. How can people not bath using hot water when it's winter. I admire those who can just go in the cold water and not make a sound. Been using Kar Yen's and Wayne's bath for 3 days straight. Thanks guys and girls. Haiz. The most painful thing bout it is i have a shower in my room and i can't even use it.

Saturday, was It's Time. Well, one word, AWESOME! Did a great job and everything. And the opening song was the song that was stuck in my mind :) Hey! Hey! I'm in Love wit YOu! and and and You are God, You are God, You are so Glorious, You are so Powerful. I sang. I dance. I watched. The drama was good. But it was that line that lingered in my mind:

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.

- Mother Teresa

And i was like WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! Life has so much metaphors. Life is music, listen to it. Life is love, protect it. Life is you, live it. Touch i was. After the drama about the racism towards black people. I felt that i need to write more about Racism in my H.O.I. essay. How can people be judge by the colour of the skin, when everything underneath the skin are all the same. Attitudes, cultures, beliefs, personality will be different, but that makes us even more the same as humans and that is what matters, not the colour. And i was happy. 92 people got save :)

Sunday, was my dear Bro's Birthday. I was like thinking thinking thinking about his Birthday for the whole week. He don't like too much people. So albert house surprise, Cancel. What present? He likes games and maths, so a game calculator sounds nice, but i can't find it in this century. And what cake? With known each other so much, but i just dono what cake u like. Zzz.

But, I did it! I surprise you with your close friends. I bought a Mud Cake. And a controller as your pressie =D And we had a very expensive dinner.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY WESLEY!!!

This past 6 months, I'm grateful for what you did. You're 19 already, but you still join in with our immature-ness. Next year, i'm not sure if whether i'm still in Melbourne and i'll be leaving you. Haiz. Goodbyes were never easy. But i know this past 6 months, we made A Lot a Lot A Lot a Lot A Lot of Good and BAd Memories togather.

Remember the time, you and me, just walk out to the park and played basketball? Cold and hungry but we still played. And those heart-to-heart talk after the game. When Spring comes, let's do it again.

Remember the time, we ate dominoes in the park. That was the best dinner i had. Cold as it was. We still eat with our hearts as if the cold wind were nothing to us. And you are still the slowest in eating.

We made A Lot of phrases: EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!! and WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! WOA! and I Can Explain and the I'm-Giving-You-Look-Cause-I'm-Gonna-Hit-You stare.

You teman me to Hungry Jacks just because you don't want me to be lonely. You helped me return those Library Books because you know i was pissed off. You still wana join me eventhough i left you far far away. You still played pool with me just to make me happy. You still let me play games even though you were so freaking tired. You were always there when i needed someone to talk to. I'm just sad that next year we probably are not gonna make new memories. That is why dis 5 months, we are gonna make Memories that makes us laugh and cry when we look back.

' You've always been there. Thanks, Brother. '

Those days.

2010-07-30T09:11:00.002+08:00

Remember. Remember. Remember Kuching fest? Ya. I miss it so much. Today, during Hoi, my mind wondered to Kuching, then it made me think bout Kuching fest. My stomach straight growl wei.

The food. It's like. It's like. Kuching's finest food are there. Remember last year, i ate 2 oo jian. 2 you noe!!! 2!! There's kolo mee, char kueh, kueh chap, fried rice, roti canai, nasi lemak, sugar bun's ice-cream, sushi. I miss the food. The food!! Calm down, Russell, everything has an end. Even the KFC there are great.

My friends were all bragging about it last night. How i wish that i could join dem. Although last year Kuching fest, Fui gang had a fight. Well, because of our fuiness. But, it's still a memory that is memorable. Remember last year, we arrive late, and all the tables were occupied. Well, we waited and waited. Then one family were leaving, and we were like running towards that table. Haha. Good times. We Sapu all the food there. From Indian to Western, Eastern to Japanese. But d Oo Jian was the greatest of all. The moisture. The crunchiness.

Kuching fest was always packed with people. That's when sexual harassment comes in. I was like moving in a crowd. And i touch a Man's butt for like 10 seconds. I can't get my hands to come up. It's so squeezy till my hands were stuck in d middle of a man's butt. EWWW!! Then he look behind, and i gave him d I-Can-Explain look. Good times. Good times.

I miss those days. Those days were like.. Eating chocolate cake with milk. But like eating a chocolate cake, it's always gone when you don't want it to. Everything has an end.

My parent's have been bugging me about my future. Again. Well, i'm bugging myself too. U.S.? That's far. But my music course is there. Haiz. It's too far. Time difference, home-sickness, cultural difference. Everything repeats itself. I wana stay in Melbourne. I really do. My first page of my chapter was here and i hope for the next few years it will be too. There's something that's keeping me in Melbourne. Something that i guess i can't confess. Something beautiful. When it smiles. But..i guess it's all up to the big Guy up there. I trust You. I know you will guide me to somewhere :)

' And just wait your turn,

And always try to learn,

To love the ones that don't show love in return.

- The Maine. '

Never knew.

2010-07-19T13:51:00.004+08:00

This promise doesn't have to be loud.

Just whisper, i can find you in the crowd.

Cause i know that love won't lie.

1st week of term 3 ended. Well, my results... The good ones were really good, the ok ok ones were really ok ok, the bad ones were really bad. I've always been getting average results since primary one. I can't beat the ones above me. But i can beat the ones below me. And honestly, i like it this way. People doesn't expect much from you. Less pressure, less competition, less stress, less expectations. The simple life of being an average Joe. I love it.

I miss Kuching so badly. Going back was a right and wrong thing that happened to me. It's right cause i get to go back Kuching. It's wrong cause it made me miss it more. Sob. Return to Melbourne was good, everything's going smoothly but compared to the stories i had in Kuching, it's just not right. 5 more months. Another countdown. I miss you wei :(

"Don't listen to the voices in your head. Listen to your heart"

I can't do anything. Sometimes, you just want to hug a person and say everything's okay but normally life doesn't play like what you planned. Haiz. Just a simple call. Simple conversation. That's all i could do. But hey, I know u're strong. It's normal to cry. It's abnormal to not cry. He doesn't deserve you. He doesn't respect you. Thinking of what he did, i wanted to smack him so badly....I should have helped you threw siew mai at him. *gasp* Babi! After what he did, you baru truly know him. I thought he was one of those good guys. Guess wearing glasses doesn't mean you can see more clearly wei. Just hope that you're ok. No worries. I'm still missing you. I'm still by your side through technology :)

' He did the wrong thing, to the right girl. '

Reliving the Past.

2010-07-09T14:56:00.006+08:00

That box of toys which i begged my father to buy. I hesitated. Throw o not throw. Touching each and everyone of them, i remember d stories i made with them. There's Batman throwing stars. Superman being a playboy, green lantern becoming a disco light, the flash being well, the fastest man alive. There's that space ship. Which i remember dragging my father's feet. Toy Story 3 taught me that toys had been there for us. Without them, my childhood would be running around naked with a knife.

Break's over.

Let's start.

My blog.

My thoughts unspoken written.

Going back. It's like everything falls back again. Apart from, moving to an apartment, friends in other places and those feelings. Everything still is the same. My mom, dad and sisters are still the same. Except Belle's growing taller and having pimples and Jasmine still growing huge. Haha. But my mom is still that woman that i don't want to see suffer.

Fui gang ain't complete. With Alan, Ping Chen, Shirley, Ngiap Ling, Jenny, Brahma gone. It's just not that Fui. Our Fui meter only reach like 70% nia wei. If u guys were there, i tell u, we can be more noisier than the next table in Kado's wei. I miss u guys.

My mom's birthday was on Friday :) Din get to say it in my blog on that day. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!! Like i always said : Don't think that growing old makes you old but also makes you have excuses to not do anything. So don't do anything liao. Not too much. Just a little each a day.

A pic that wasn't so pretty cause of the phone which keeps falling. Haha. But i LOVE IT!!

I miss Kuching wei. T.T Pics will explain why

MO kuan!!! BUT I LIKE~~~ IT!!!

PPl trying to concentrate on singing. They want take photos. But what to do. I love dem :)

I LOOOOOOVVVVEEE.....

My mom. I noe she eats like a p _ _ . But i forgive u.

Niamasot! U still short!

Don't smile guys. Let her smile.

We were taking photos outside this grandma's house. And prit ask to do d lion dance pose. Hope she din get a heart attack wei.

Prit was like OMG!! We were so close to an accident. But my mind only thought of kissing him.

There's so many things to say. Photos are so simple in capturing that very moment of life. That stays there forever frozen. But what makes it so special is. When u look at a photo, you try to recall what happen back then. What made us smile, laugh, cry, frown.

Kuching food. 1 word. AWESOME!!! Even the worst kolo mee made in Kuching i rather eat cause it's better den d best hokkien mee made in Australia. It's pity i onli have 10 days to eat dem all. I even ate d Kolo Mee the malays cook. I've ate dem all!!

I'm gonna miss the times me and Angel just sit in d car. Talking bout everything. Everything. From the day we first met till d day i went off to Melbourne. She told me bout how her ex-bf. I told her bout my immature-ness. She told me bout her new friends problem. I told her how i miss my old friends. We talked bout how much we change since primary 1. It's good to have the other bfff in kUching kok. Will miss her.

Dat 10 days in Kuching. That feeling came back. Why, Russell, why? Confessing and making things clear to each other changes a lot of stuffs. 5 years. And we both stick with our thinking and left it unspoken. Isn't it more beautiful to left it untouched? I'm happy if we both are happy. And if u're not happy. You can choose to be :) I'm glad too. That u feel the same way. But you have something that i don't. Keep that. Appreciate it. Love will treat you well. And if you ever want to wipe your tears, tell me. Cause i wana c that strong heart of yours wipe it. I'll be here if you need me. Always.

I'll miss fui gangs. Each and everyone of you. 10 days. I've not met all my friends. But i played full, eat full, laugh full, smile full, eat full, sleep full, rest full. The old Russell's back. Niamasot!! Kuching made me realize the reason i'm here in Melbourne. Those 5 months changed me. But i'm ready for the next 5 months. I'm not gonna change. Pinky promise.

' Let Time Decide. Kell :) '

The Farewell and the Sorry

2010-06-27T11:27:00.002+08:00

I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so excited!! In my mind there's so many things going through. Things i wana do when i go back home. First of all, i'm gonna c my papa, mama, jasmine and belle belle's smiles. Second, I'm gonna go to BDC to eat Kolo mee. Third, I'm gonna go see my new apartment, new and cozy apartment. Fourth, I'm gonna go visit my ah ma and ah gong, and eat her famous Kacang Ma. Fifth, i'm gonna go eat supper wit mah friends. The first day back Home i'm gonna be so happy :D

Melbourne. So many things had happened this 6 months. Remember i reached here on 19th January, and my eyes just opened up. Like u know, babies always looking and turning around when they come to a new place. I ate new things, i made new friends, and lived with the best people on Earth, ALBERT HOUSE!!!! The things i learnt here was different. I changed. I know i changed. But i'm glad i changed because it made me realize somethings i didn't know about.

I got to know about different people's life in their own country. I've met a lot of different and weird people and that's what makes life exciting. Like one time, i was in a jewelry shop and there was this man asking the salesperson : ' What about this ring? How much is it?' Before she replied he said: ' I want to give my girlfriend the ring of our marriage.' AAWWWW~~~ I was completely aawwwwww-ing at that time. Then the salesperson said the price and the type of rings he can get but then she told him: ' No matter what ring she wears, you're gonna see her still beautiful.' The man said something that i know every girl wana hear : ' She always is.' DOUBLE AAAAWWWWW~!!~!!! My heart was like hoping he get to marry this girl. I know he loves her. And i hope she believes in that too.

Well, goodbye Melbourne for now. I'm gonna enjoy Kuching for 2 weeks. 2 weeks ain't enough thats why i need to live to the fullest when i'm in Kuching. There will be no sadness or tears. There will be laughter, memories and smiles.

I'm staring at the mess i made.

I'm sorry. Sorry for the things i wrote and for the things i did. I was immature and selfish. Looking back, you've been trying to be my friend. But looking back, i was trying not to be your friend. I know it's too late to say this, but i'm sorry, i really am. I don't want to lose you as a friend. And i hope you can forgive me, as i'm gonna make it up to you by showing what good of a friend i can be. From the bottom of my heart, I'm Really Sorry for offending you. You know who are.

' God Loves You. The rest of us are still working on it. '

- The sign in front of the church.

Shirley Shirley Shirley.

2010-06-23T19:25:00.000+08:00

' Because i've kept my heart under control,

But lately all this time it's taken it's toll. '

Months go by, days go by. That patience paid off. Left 4 more days till my feet touch Kuching again. =D Laughing laughing. Who doesn't smile when they are thinking of THAT one place

where u had fun, where memories linger in every corner.

Exam were on Saturday and Monday. Monday. Yuan wang. Must ar? Must put me beside her ar? Must ar? Kek dao. Please..God. Don't keep playing me. You doing this to me. If you're helping me with her. Can. But i can't. She can't. You can't just make things go like dat rite? It's just love. Love that i think You only understand. Just...protect me? I know U will ;)

Lazy to blog. But because it's my BFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF b'day, i'd really want to wish her.

Shirley Thien.

My best friend since form 1. It's funny how we met. I just transferred into 1 Biru, so the teacher arranged me to sit either with Shirley or Brendon. Well, God did it again. I chose to sit beside the empty seat, not knowing who would be my sit partner. Then along came this 173cm girl. The first thing that struck my mind was: TALL GIRL! TALL GIRL! TALL GIRL!! But she smiled at me. HOI! She once told me the first thing that struck her mind when she saw me was: FAT BOY FAT BOY FAT BOY!! Hahahahaha.

We became bestest best friend. Because of her, i get to know how a girl thinks. Because of her, we get to laugh at and be laugh at. She's the tallest girl i ever met. 181cm wei!! And still growing. Even though it's weird to walk beside a tall girl. But i don't really care. I mean. She smiled at me eventhough i'm fat back then. Shirley, so many great things comes to my mind.

1) She's the first girl that cried in front of me.

2) We've sang togather in front of a large crowd.

3) We been cheating in exams with a cute face.

4) She's the first girl that heard me pee and talking on the phone at the same time. Hahaha.

5) We created pokey together.

6) She's the first girl that i went shopping with.

7) She maybe smart, but she's as Fui as.... Nothing's as fui as her.

8) She's been there whenever i needed her especially when i needed a cheer up.

9) She once made a pearl came out of her nose. Haha.

10) She fell down.... a lot of times. In the same longkang. For 3 consecutive years.

11) She told me secrets that know one ever knew.

We chatted on the phone yesterday. She's still as fui as ever wei. I miss u, Shirley. I miss those times where we would just chat the whole night. Every conversation we had, there's always laughter. It's sad that when i go back, you can't be there. But what's qian da is, i leaving on the 9th u come back on the 12th!! What the!! Can't come back faster ar!! Must u always be qian da ar wei!! But that's what i love bout u Shirley =D Keep that fui-ness.

When we finally meet, i want to see that smile u first gave me :)

U wait girl. U wait. I'm gonna be as tall as u.

Don't give up ya.

Cause no matter what u do.

Know that there's that boy who will do the cute face to u.

' Now that we're men, we have facial hair.

Now that we're men, i changed my underwear.

Now that we're men, we have a manly flair.

We've got the stuff. We are tough enough to save the day. '

Disappointment and the Song

2010-06-17T12:13:00.003+08:00

Left 10 more days den i'm back. Back to where Kolo Mee exists. Back to where Hokkien Mee taste so so so so much better. Back to where my loved ones are. Back to where i can drive.

I've been waiting since the day the plane took off from Kuching. And it's left 10 more days. THIS! Is much bigger than The World Cup. It's Russell going back to Kuching. Girls will be like screaming, boys will be like aww man, He's back. Fireworks will be up in the air :D

My drama. The one i told u guys before about how i was late. Well, the lateness did affect my marks. I got a 7.5/10. Haiz. I'm not disappointment in the marks. I'm disappointed in myself. My teacher told me, he expected more from me, cause i'm like the best *smirks*, and he's disappointed in me, maybe cause it was my lateness, maybe i din prepared well. This is the 2nd time a teacher is disappointed at me. First was my cello teacher, now is my drama teacher. Haiz. I'll work hard, just like wad i did to my cello. What's life without disappointment?

Everybody's laughing in my mind,

Rumor's spreading bout this other guy,

Do you do what you did when you did to me,

Does he love you the way i can?

Did you forget all the plans that you made with me?

Cuz baby, i didn't.

That Should Be me, holding your hand.

That Should Be me, Making you laugh.

That Should Be me, This is so sad.

That Should Be me, That Should Be me.

That Should Be me, Feeling your kiss.

That Should Be me, Buying you gifts.

This is so wrong, I can't go on,

Do you believe,

That that Should be Me.

Said you needed a little time from my mistakes,

It's funny how you used that time to have me replaced.

Now if u're trying to break my heart,

It's working.

I need to know should i fight for love or disarm,

It's getting harder to shield the pain in my heart.

Awww~~ Justin Bieber's all grown up now. He sang this with sadness. Sadness which i understand. The situation is not the same. The girl is not the same. But the feeling he's going through, it's the same. I can relate every line of it. The lyrics said what i wanted to say. Thanks Bieber, i'm gonna sing this song over and over and over and over and over again.

Exam's next week. Saturday, Monday and Friday. Why?? Why don't straight Saturday, Monday and Tuesday. Then i no nid worry about anything liao. But have to put Monday, Nothing, Nada, Kosong, Friday. Guess this is what He wants. You can't really avoid what He wants you to have. I told him i don't wana see her. And he keeps making me and her meet. Guess He doesn't wana help me. Nevermind. I'll keep on trying.

' I adore you, you crazy, gorgeous, wonderful (but also sometimes quite weird-but still have the most beautiful smile) person. '

Comes to this.

2010-06-09T21:35:00.002+08:00

Dear Russell,

Sadness never was what people think of u. Please don't be like this la. Look at Gary, Wesley, Ping, Xing Yao, they don't want you to be this way. I know. I know. When Ping said that 3 words. U're world collapse. Darkness surrounded u. Emo-ness started to take over. It's weird how 3 words can just... have that much power to turn Russell's smile into that one little drop of tear. They want to see that laughing, smiling, happy-go-lucky boy again. Please come back to that boy again.

Go back, to those days. Where not girls hurt u, but u hurt girls. Go back to those days, where true love never exists. Go back to those days, where u can flirt every and any girl. 1 girl can't change u're life just like that. She doesn't even appreciate it. She doesn't even know it. Gary taught you that 'Don't because of one tree, left out the whole forest'. I mean, Come on!! There's a whole forest waiting for u. An infinity meters times infinity meters of trees waiting for u to come hug them.

Aww~~ U're crying. WELLL....STOP!!!! U're weak la wei. Yuan wang. Stand up. Chest high. Chin up. Girls don't like sissy-boys. From tomorrow onwards, start flirting some girls. Don't think too much. Just make ur move. Set a new chapter in your life. A new part where it's awesome. Where you won't get hurt no more. Where every girl u wait, is all worth it. Nonono. Where every girl who wait for u, is all worth it. It's gonna be..LEGEND....Wait for it.....DARY!! Ya. Legendary.

Ya. And just when i want my mind to be at ease. The fire alarm sets off. People here trying to counsel himself. Stop ringing. GOD! Wait. Ear-plugs on. Ok. Back to story. Haiz. Life moves on. Move on, Russell. It ain't gona wait for u. The girls ain't gonna wait for u. Think about it, if u forget her, She won't be the first thing that pops in your head every morning. Isn't that super-di-dooperly great? It's gonna be awesome. U're gonna be awesome. Life's gonna be awesome. The girls are gonna be awesome.

From,

The devil on my right hand shoulder.

P.s. In your face, angel :P

I woke up late this morning. My turn to act was 11.15am. And guess what time i woke up. 12.10p.m. I was like cursing and scolding harsh words(sorry mom) when i ran to royal parade. I reached royal parade at 12.29p.m. Proud le. in 14 minutes. My teacher was gonna leave that time. I begged and i did my cute/pity eyes thingy, i'm good at doing that and it always works XP, he gave me another chance. Well, i did it. I wasn't nervous. Cause my nervousness already came when i woke up and gone when i found my teacher. I'm just glad i didn't miss it. This comes to fate. If it meant u to lose, give it a good fight anyhow. And i won. Please remember to turn on the alarm again, Russell.

Smile, Russell. U've always ask people to smile. Now it's ur turn. It's all about you and nobody. Thanks to Ping for letting me know the truth. Thanks to Wesley and Gary who made me forget why my eyes are still puffy and red. Thanks to Xing Yao, for just sleeping and not making a sound. Thanks to the fire alarm, for making letting me know that fire alarms are not only for fires.

' I like Sundays, cause i'd always felt safe going there, Someone listening to my problems. '

Music/Memories

2010-05-27T10:10:00.004+08:00

I run my life, Or is it Running me?

Run from my past, I run too fast.

Or too slow it seems.

When lies turn to truth,

I run to you.

Sorting out the my music folder. I found Old music. Not old old music, but music that triggers little bits of my memories. Like in those drama, where people look back and the screen shows a blurry image. Just like that. These Music's are part of the pieces of my memories. Deleting them seems cruel. I can remember from the age of 4 till now. Haha.

Michael Jackson - Thriller.

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night

And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike'

When i was 4, i was crazy about MJ. I know, how can a 4 year old fell in love MJ's songs. Well, my mom bought me a MJ cassette. U know, those big cassette where u have to rewind manually if u want. If i remember, i was scared of the 'Thriller'. Haha. The turning into werewolf, the zombies, the screaming. But i still dance to it everyday. R.I.P. Michael.

Backstreet boys - I want it that way

Tell me why, ain't nothing but a heartache.

Tell me why, ain't nothing but a mistake.

Tell me why, i never want to hear you say.

I want it that way.

I remember at the age of 7 o 8, i sang this in front of my relatives. At that time, this was my all-time favorite song. At that time, i have the courage to sing in front of a large crowd. Haha. I was the fan of backstreet boys that time. Walking past a poster of them, i'll be like. AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! IT"s backstreet boys!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Joey McIntyre - Stay the same

And i hope you always stay the same,

cause there's nothing about you i would change.

I was 9? My aunt wasn't married yet. So she would always come to our house and have a sleepover with my sister and I. Good times. What i remember was, the three of us were sleeping on the same bed. And i or we singing this song. As young as i was, i understand the lyrics of the song. How smart.....

Tony Orlando - Tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree

I'm really still in prison and my love still holds the key.

A simple yellow ribbon's what i need to set me free

I wrote and told her please.

This was one of those unforgettable memories. I was 10, and my music school was holding a concert to raise funds for charity. Believe it or not, i sang and i dance. How cool was that. Haha. I was the star of that concert (not actually la). I remember my dancers circling around me and i was singing in the middle. But i was kind of fat that time. Haiz. Chubby and full of flab. Haiz. And wearing that Harry Potter's glasses. Sob. But on the bright side, after the concert, people still talked about my singing. Haha.

Linkin Park - In the End

I tried so hard, and got so far

But in the end, it doesn't really matter.

I had to fall, to lose it all.

But in the end, it doesn't really matter.

Linkin Park was the only band that me and my korean friend can sing to. Park Ha Lim. He was my bestest best friend in primary school. When i say bestest best friend, i really meant bestest best friend. Like we do all sort of stuff and shit together. We swam, we sang, we wrestle, we had sleepovers. We even took a bath together. IN FULL NAKED-NESS. We were just 12, innocent kids still. Another advantage for having a korean friend is to get to eat free korean food!! Haha. Miss him wei. Miss him rapping and me singing. Koreans can Rap even at 12 to english songs. He's back at Seoul now. Haiz. One day, i'm going to find u. And we can have our bath time together again. JK~~ :D

Ryan Cabrera - True

It's time to try, anything to be with you.

All my life, i've waited. This is true.

At 13, i sang this song to my first crush. Wow. I was so brave when i was young. Alone in a room. With a guitar in my hand. And a haven't-reach-puberty voice. She smiled when i sang finish. I don't know what happen 2 us. We both know we like each other. But we aren't together. Weird. I guess it's just not meant to be. But we both are still best friends till now.

周杰伦 - 夜曲

为你弹奏萧邦的夜曲

纪念我死去的爱情

跟夜风一样的声音

心碎的很好听。

Before this song, i was a how to say, song-ist. I like english songs and i hate chinese songs. If my friends would like a chinese song, i would scold dem and introduce them to english songs. Look how bad i was. But Jay Chou's 夜曲 changed me. I was 13 when i heard this song. And i felt emo. Emo was a new kind of feeling to me. When i heard it, i remember the first thing i said was: 'MOM!!! LET'S GO BUY ALBUM NOW!!!' Haha. And that's the story to my first original chinese artist's album. That's why since then Jay Chou was my idol. And i never was a song-ist ever again.

许贤凯 - 吹笛子的天使

天使我愿用我这个心

换去爱你一生的确定

Russell Hee's first ever compose song. I was 15 when my hands started playing my own songs. It was teacher's day, and me and Shirley and Hwa sang this song. So proud of myself. Haha. Stephanie wrote the lyrics. How complicated her chinese were. And from that day onwards, every song i wrote has it's own memory in it, has it's own meaning to it. This song came from a dream......

This is me + Friends forever(graduation song)

As we go on, we remember,

all the times we, had together.

And as our lives change, come whatever,

We we still be friends forever.

16. The first song played by our band. Dunstan, ah choong, Kendrick, Shirley. We practiced for 3 times only. But we still rock the stage. I remember once we practice, kendrick was playing the violin. And our band members had a meeting discussing whether we should kick him out. It's not his playing is bad. It's just...erm...erm...erm.....erm......it's a VIOLIN! Ya. You know the sounds violin makes. Horrible. The screeching sound. It's not his playing is bad. No. No. But we still played smoothly. I felt the touching moment. It was perfect except for the part Cikgu Dickson keep changing the style i wanted to play. C'mon!! My feel is more feel-er than yours.. But NO~~,u have to keep it to your style.

Jason Mraz - I'm yours

I won't hesitate no more, no more.

It cannot wait, I'm yours.

I believe that every couple has that very song that keeps playing when u think about him/her. It was 10pm, when i was chatting with her. Chat halfway, she sent me this song. She asked if i heard it before? I said no. Actually it was a Yes. Few nights ago, my friend sent it to me. And i listen until i'm fed up with it. But she renewed it for me. I fell in love with that song once more. But i loved that song more because after i listened to it, she said: 'Don't worry. I'm yours :) ' Haiz. Thank you for being there for me. It's funny how we think our first love will be our last and our last love will be our first.

张惠妹 - 我要快乐

又被爱伤了一遍

无所谓，当作成长

17 years old was the year my heartbroke. Not every first love lasts forever. This song was the song that slowly picked the broken pieces of my heart. We had our smiles, our laughs, our blushes, our fights, our romance, our talk-cockness. Life moves on. We cried our cries, we ignore our friendship, we secretly think of the past. But whatever first love is, it never is our most perfect love but it was the one who made us smile our first real smile.

Russell Hee - Unknown

....................................

This song was written in March. It may not had been long ago. But it's meaningful to me. Haha. Lyrics i don't wana show. Too embarrassing :P. Song i don't wana sing. It's not for the public. But what i can tell is, it's for someone important.

' Music is what memories sounds like '

For Kitty.

2010-05-20T10:47:00.005+08:00

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to Kitty.

Happy birthday to you.

Now i baru realize, the happy birthday song doesn't really have much lyrics. Haha. Why ho? I mean. If people wana create a famous song, why don't they make it more lyricy? Weird. But.. Whatever la. Haha. It's meaningful. That's what count.

Back to the topic. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KITTY!! 17 liao bo. 17 le. I pass 17 and it change me. Now that u're 17, and I can't really give u a present so i'll give u a good lecture. Haha.

17. I spent my 17 in the same school as u. Cherish it. Appreciate it. Cause once u look back at ur 17, u'll remember all the laughters and stupidity u had in dat school. Sleeping in class, quarreling, library. Look at what u're friends did to u. They made u smile. Haha. It's always that gang who made u laugh till u stomachache. Once u leave dat school, don't think of it as a sad ending, you're just 17, girl. Nothing's gonna be an end for u. Yet. I miss back when we use to see each other, and u would just smack o hit o pinch me. And i do not why. But i actually miss that and that's how close we were, we had a u-hit-me-i-hit-u-back relationship. And i know u miss hitting me, don't you?? Haha.

I know u still miss him. Love hurts. Love damn hurts. I know both of our weaknesses is we love too much. Once we locked on a target, our heart never stops beating for dem. Their smile never fails to make us smile. But for now, i guess our heart never stops suffering for dem. Their smile never fails to make us cry.It's not wrong. It's just.... a gift and a curse i guess. Haha. Don't cry for him no more. Tell you what, your white prince will come. Soon. And you'll tell me all about it. Tell me how wonderful he is. Tell me how he pampers u. But before the One comes, keep on smiling and make your friends happy. Because they are your happiness.

I remembered i din really pay much attention last year. Haha. Spm le. SPM LE!! And i baru started chiong-ing during end of september. Haha. So this is my advice, start studying in October. Hahahahahaha. Serious, serious. I meant start chiong-ing in October, but study everyday wei. Just read the Terminal Tiga oso can. O wad. Haha. I can't be there to teach u physics liao wei. Can la. Just call. But i lazy to teach u through fon again wei. And moral. Just don't fail can liao. What for learn moral. Even though i got an A la. But what for? Hahaha. You'll do great in SPm. Trust me more den u trust yourself. Haha.

I know ur dad always make u angry. But i know u love him. :) I don't know if u have this thinking yet, but once u turn 18, u MAYBE leaving dem. And u're gonna miss their whining. So, talk to dem. Haha. Study hard and don't stop playing. I know all parents don wana c their little girl cry.

I guess that's all. I lazy type liao wei. I've written a lot of words for you. Wow. I really typed a lot of words. Haha. Must be typing too much essays liao. Stop Russell stop. I can't turn my blog to an essay-typing blog. *gasp* Nightmare.

Back to kitty, i'm still not forgetting of u becoming my driver wei. I come back Kuching i want a driver. But for now, let's not talk bout u becoming my driver. :D

Once again:

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY!!!

Ya. I know. I look handsome here. WAKAKAKA.

' If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyhow '

Russell Peters

2010-05-15T12:10:00.003+08:00

First of all, i would like to thank my Parents for naming me Russell. Haha. 17 and a half years on Earth, i thought my name is just A name. A normal name. Where people call me rUssell. Like they say d U like you. So it's Ryoussell. Why? Don't you guys know Russell Crowe?

Back to the topic. Russell Peters made me laugh. He talks the real world. Where every man is just as perverts and every girl is just as bitches. I mean not all man are perverts and not all girls are bitches. But it's russell peters, and without the pervert men and the bitchy women, it ain't funny no more and some of them are actually real. It started at 8.15pm and ended at 10.15pm. He can just stand there and talk non-stop for 2 hours. How great is he? Haha. In 1 minute i can laugh 5 times. 5 consecutive laugh. There's onli like an interval of 5 seconds per laugh. I even took down notes on his jokes. Seriously.

Girls are Thinkers, he says. Men, we can just stare and go think of nothing for like 25 mins. If you put a camera in there, the screen would be a big, white screen. Or even a screensaver like those in the computers. Hahahahaha. Girls are Thinkers. Like i maybe looking at Russell Peters right now doing his stand-ups but i maybe thinking , Look how hot is dat guy. Did i put enough make up. How tall u think is d stage?

Guys can just go blank and smile cause they are actually Not thinking. :) And their girlfriends will be like : Look at him. His smiling without me. HOw can HE be happy without me. God! Hahaha.

Funny wei. And because of that i bought a Russell Peters T-shirt. BE A MAN!! Haha. Reached home at around 11.30pm. And don't have the mood to sleep yet. So Basketball time. Shoot halfway, i looked up. As dark as it can be, the stars are always the brightest. Have we ever thought of why the stars are still so bright even though they are millions and millions and millions and trizillion miles away? Don't think of the scientific fact of the sun giving light to them and the light reflect down to Earth. No. Don't think of that. Think of why the stars can still be so bright from far, far away.

' Russell Peters. End with a night under the stars.

Laughter. End with a smile. '

Day by Day.

2010-05-13T17:10:00.002+08:00

Never gonna regret,

Watching every sunset,

Listen to your heartbeat,

All the love that we've felt.

I did the craziest things here.

1) Playing basketball in the middle of the night. It may not sound crazy but playing in cold winds, shorts and no lights makes it crazy.

2) Eating freddos in the middle of the cold. But unfortunately, i din get brain-freeze. Weird.

3) Listening to music in the park. Again it may not sound crazy but it was like 10 degrees. Strange thing was i managed to sleep through it and woke up at 7pm.

4) I went to the library and ACTUALLY read books. Wow. *Applause* Thank you. Thank you. But then again, it was for my H.O.I. essay.and my job and my big, fat paycheck and my wife and kids.

5) I showered using cold water. Cited in Gary's sayings : ' Eh, now cold right? Bath in cold shower. Cause my teacher said if u bath in cold water, u come out sure hot.' And so Stupid and Blur me went and tried. Guess what. I'M ALIVE!~~!! Apart from shouting and screaming in the bathroom, it was actually quite nice and warm.

6) Last but not least, i didn't eat hungry jacks for so long. I miss it so much. No, Russell, no. The relationship with hungry jacks ain't working. Either Hungry Jacks come find u, o u just move on. Oh, C'mon!! It's just one bite of Douple Whopper. No, Russell, no. I gave up on Hungry Jacks. Oh, god i miss u so so much.

Playing basketball made me Tall. Haha. After each basketball game, me and Wesley sure sit in the middle of the park, out of breath looking at the stars above. Now, thinking of it. It seems gay. But Wtheck, i wasn't thinking of him when i looked at the stars. He told me his stories, i told him my stories. And He gives the Worst Advices in the world. But he was there when i needed someone to play basketball with. :)

我累了。我真的累了。

妳面无情的

不在乎我的存在。

够了，累了。

好恨妳啊。

' Day by day. Tired. I'm moving out. '

For my Mom.

2010-05-09T14:36:00.002+08:00

Today, i went to church. And i prayed. I prayed. I prayed and hope that God will protect my mom. Please? My mom has always been faithful to U. Goes to church every week. Just protect her. Cause i know with each day passing, she's getting weaker. I want to go back and see her with that expression of hers that always made me know how lucky i am to have her as my mom. :)

Wakes up at 5am everyday, right before everybody starts their day, she helps us start our day beforehand. Boiling water, making breakfast. That's why i love u Mom.

No matter how tired you are, you always do your part. Driving 3 kids to school, tuition, outings and groceries. No matter how much you were tired, you still keep on fulfilling your role. That's why i love u Mom.

You always complain that we don't always listen to you, and don't wana care no more. But in the end, you're always the one who finish the job. The one that makes me think i'm the one who is bad. That's why i love u Mom.

You look for me for advice. Sometimes do the weirdest stuff. And worry about the most littlest things. Often made me think why is mom like dat one. That's why i love u Mom.

I miss you. I miss your food, i miss your voice. Coming here taught me that no matter what, you're always back home with your arms open. I won't ask for too much. I want to make u proud. I want you to tell others proudly : " That's my son. " I want you to be healthy and just live life happily.

I know you don't like those mushy-cushy stuff. But this is my first time away from you for so long. So.... Happy Mother's Day!! Although u still need to send Jasmine off to tuition and do housework. But promise u this....just a few more years left.

' I know you're tired.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY. '

Decisions.

2010-05-02T23:37:00.004+08:00

Like a wise boy told me once. Decisions changes the whole universe. Alters the course of our fate. Determines our next phase in life.

Move out

Not move out.

It's been a month, and my roommate has been searching for a place to move out and he finally found a place. Problem is he needs me to move out too so it will be more cheap.

Argh~

Dilemma. I don't even know. Both decisions has it's pro's and con's. Part of me feels like i want to move out. Want to be more independent. The place is like 10mins walk from my college. It is cheap. Cheap for an apartment in the city. Is spacious.

But another part of me feels like i don't want to leave Albert House just yet. It's been only 4 months only and i've already grown attached to the people here. They are like family to me. The place is unfurnished. So i still have to spend extra cash on furnitures. And what if next year i'm not gonna be in Melbourne Uni? I still have to find another apartment in the end.

My roommate is counting on me to move out. But my other friends is like telling me not to move out. I... Do not...Know... Don't wana let my roommate down. Don't want leave Albert House just yet.

What if i move out? I get to have 50gb of internet usage. I get to go to college later. I get to eat what i want. But i'm gonna miss my friends here in Albert House. The times we spend together. It's like leaving Kuching dat feeling again.

What if i don't move out? I get to hang out wit my friends. We get to go classes together. But my roommate will be disappointed cause he can't move out and i don't him to be that way. He wants to move out dat badly and i understand why he needs me.

Like i said. Decisions creates a picture of the paths we choose. I can't really tell which is better than the other. But all i know now is that........how? what if? can't see. sad. hurt. take care. missing. everyday. worse. further apart.

' Never worry about your heart till it stops beating '

Autumn

2010-04-30T14:05:00.006+08:00

Rain. Autumn leaves. I like Autumn cause it has the best photography of mother nature. Going back home from piano practice, i found a picture of Autumn trees.

In my view, the trees were not that orangy, the distance were not that far, the ground were not that many leaves. Haha. But u guys get the picture. I love it.

Looking at the leaves, i remember what my friend ask me once :

' You see the leaves falling? Have you ever thought of why the leaves fall? '

' Cause of gravity. DUh. '

' Ever wonder if it is the trees who doesn't want the leaves, or is it the other way round?'

' To me i think both of them still want each other, but it is the need to let go. Let nature take control of the cycle of life. '

' How sad of this story.'

' I think they feel nothing. They ARE TREES AND LEAVES!!'

I miss having in-depth talks about inanimate objects with him. How sensitive a musician can be. Haha.

Rain drizzles. What is she thinking. I know i know i know. After all this while, i still like her. I know u guys just want to hit me o choke me and stuff. I just can't let go. I've tried. I've tried. But Shirley, it's not sad. I respect her decision. Isn't that suppose to be happy? Seeing her smile, already brightens up my day. She walking with me, already made butterflies in my stomach. She talking to me, already messes up my heartbeat. I'll keep on trying. But for now, i guess i will just let it be. It's not hard. It' not easy. But it's rewarding enough to see her smile.

Jay Chou's going to release his new album. OMGGG!!@~~!@! As he's fans, i sure go support him wei. He already exposed two of his songs : 超人不会飞 and 伽蓝雨. My idol le. Next time see me working in his company liao tel u.

This song is damn nice. Only he can express the sadness in the song. But the lyrics, i still can't understand. Please come to melbourne. Please please please please. I sure go watch. I will buy front-row tickets. Please. :)

College has been nice. Usual going to class. Getting something in ur brain. Leave class. But i've never been more happy in my music. Going to the music room. I feel calmed. Practicing Mozart's Phantasie. Wonder what a boy at his age can create such a weird piece.

' I'm never going to get tired of saying this : She has the most Beautiful smile. :) '

Ice-skating and the morning after.

2010-04-25T09:29:00.002+08:00

On Friday, me and my RMIT friends went ice-skating. Well, apart from pool, I found something i like again.

We met up at State Library on a rainy evening. Ate at Nachos. Took the city circle to the docklands. Paid for the entrance fee. Grab the ice-skating-shoes. It's not that i'm still a kid. But i really don't know how to tie those ice-skating-shoes. I like twist and turn around the strings, in the end my hands got caught in the middle of it. Gary was a good friend and helped me tie. TWICE!

Ice-skating was a new experience for me. Grabbing on the walls for balance while Gary keep circling me and keep saying : "Why u so noob ar?'' Haha. The 1st hour i was completely relying on the walls. But the 2nd hour, i relied on myself. It's not hard actually, u just need not to be scared of falling down and let ur legs do all the skating.

What i learned in the ice-rink, is don't look down, look ahead, just let ur legs do their thing. If you fall, just stand up and start rebalancing again, and skate again. HOI! I think i just made a metaphor in life wei. Haha. Brahma, u were right. I'm gonna be the next shakespeare cause i have the shakespearism. :)

The point was, i fell down ONCE!! WOW~~ ONce only wei. 一次吧了. Sekali saja. Ji bai nia. Am so freaking proud of myself. Gary was betting that i was gonna fall 5 times or more. HUH!!! IN YOUR FACE!!! SEKALI SAJA LA BUDAK!! WAKAKAKAKa! Thanks Kelly for showing me how to skate. She even gave me her one side of her glove. Awww~ That's so sweet of u. Next time i'll show u wad i'm pro at. The piano. Zzzz.

I have blisters after that night. Pain ar. I shouted and screamed when i was bathing for 2 days. Haiz. Pain ar. Really pain. But it was worth it. I had fun. I had an awesome time. And no pain o blisters ain't gonna stop me from going ice-skating again.

The next day, Me, Michelle, Bernice, Shireen, Ian and Gary went band practicing. All i can say is, our song is nearly done, just the lyrics and a part of the song. Brings back to old times, where Dunstan, Me, Choong were band-practicing. We 3 were the musicians of musicians, the composers of the composers, the handsome boys of the handsome boys, the charmers of the charmers, the coolios of the coolios. The list goes on, but what i'm trying to say was, i miss you guys and the band-practicing. I miss how we always last minute practice those songs. The 6 songs in 2 days was my life-time record. We were the best band. Not in the world la. In our school :P.

Watched Date night, funny yet boring. But funny. Just one night can make 2 people love each other even more. Then Me, Gary and Wesley went pooling. And i'm getting goooooood. My good is the kind where even my mom will be proud of me but at the same time mad at me for always pooling. I'm addicted. What to do. I just like the feeling of my balls going into the hole. SONG ar! THis feeling.

Had a good start of the weekends. Am back to the old me. Welcome back! Miss me being me. But something has change. My hair. It has colour. *gasp*. It took it 3 weeks just to show colours. That's wad u get for dying ur own hair. Haha.

' Just do the right thing. ;) '

Russell Hee

2010-04-22T09:17:00.002+08:00

I've fought it for a long time now

While drowning in a river of denial

I washed up, fixed up, picked up

All my broken things. :)

I've change since i came here. Fui gangs said my blog has change to deep, serious and emo. What to do, it's different here what. No fui gang to keep me the way i am. No parents to tell me if i'm wrong. Life here is great. But i have to get back to the true me. The one where fui gang taught me to be. The one where i like myself. Haha.

My name is Russell Hee. Just turned 18. Studying in Melbourne now for my foundation studies. I grew up in Kuching. A city which isn't as big as Melbourne, i felt happiness. In Smk Sungai Maong, i love hanging out with my friends. Where we do all sorts of craps, from burying a dead frog to just driving around the school for 10 times. I like going to school not because of studying but because i get to sleep there when i have wake up at 6am just to go to school. Haha.

Music is my goal. No other goal. I believe that music can change the world. And i dreamt that one day my music can change the world. My parents send me over here to study music. They even support me in music. Not many parents support their child in music, but they do. Not gona to let them down. That is why i want and i need Music. There's never a day i'm sick of music. It was always there, telling me stories about why my life is still meaningful.

One father, one mother and 2 little sisters. My father always does the most unpredictable stuff like acting cute when u think his about to scold u. I miss the times where we have our father and son moment every saturday night. The ladies would go to church while the males will go out and have dinner. He taught me a lot of stuff, he taught me reality.

My mom does what she do best. Shout and scream. She complains that our house is too big that's why she have to scream. It's kind of true. XD. Her paranoid actions are always cute. As she get's nervous over things, while the rest of us just look at her calmly.

My two sisters, i always like to make them laugh cause i want them to smile always. They're growing up and as a big brother i'm still gonna kacau dem. Wakakakaka.

Fui gangs. They are the bestest best friends i ever had. I know people are jeolous of me cause i always have fui gangs support. I know they are a lot of people having gangs and good friends. But fui gangs have a Singh and an indian and a bumi wei. Beat that wei. Our singh got the whole police squad behind him u noe. Haha. And our indian makes Nasi Briyani. Zzz. Haha. And our bumi actually talks Nigga. That is why my nigga slang ain't that bad. They make me smile. There's never a day i came home after going out with fui gang, i was emo. We quarrel, we fight(seriously) but we are fui what to do.

Thanks Ping Chen, you are the world's smartest guy wei. For me la. Haha. Always giving me advice that always change my perception of things. Talking to you felt nice. Next time i have problems, we can have our little talk again. Haha.

Like they said, i've change to more deep. Well Guess what, i'm back. The old me is back. Russell Hee is back. The next post i'm gonna post, is the Old russell who is writing dat. It's still gonna be deep, cause i have to act smart to all of u guys.

' Love not love, love not music, love not the world but love myself. '

Back with a Track

2010-04-19T08:34:00.010+08:00

Amanda

Abigail

Good to be back. But i miss New Zealand. When they say New Zealand has a lot of sheeps and cows. You gotta believe them, cause it's true wei. Going through every hills, there's bound to be sheeps and cows scatter around eating grass.

One loving couple, 2 cute kids and one handsome boy going through New Zealand while Taylor Swift's songs are playing is the greatest feeling of all. Haha. Miss that family feeling where everything seems so simple, where time just stops there.

I stayed in Hamilton for 8 days. A city which looks like a town. Going there really calmed me down. Playing with the 2 cute kids everyday makes me tired. Enduring the cold weather made me a man. Looking at the sceneries made me smile.

Me and my aunt. At some beach. Haha.

I admit i'm scared of the sheeps. But who doesn't. look at the size of those horns.

Me and amanda. Note to self: Never let a kid know or see a playground. They will risk their lives just to go there.

It's alright,amanda . It's just a small tummy. Next time it will be abs, :)

Me and my aunt. At some lake.

Playing. playing

This is how we watch tv.

This is how we watch tv. Haha.

Hamilton Lake. I remembered wei. Cause it was damn windy there and i was wearing just Like that.

My uncle took me to V8 Supercars before i left. I'm not into V8 cars but wtheck, it was an experience. Zoooooooooommmm~~ the cars go. Just looking at the cars pass by in a blink of an eye is like wowooowoooo~~ guess it's a boy thing.

Look how sexy i am. Zzz.

I was actually there for dis. :0

Pictures tell us a thousand words. But no words can describe that 1 week of time off. I got so many inspirations there. Problem is, i dono where to right those down. So now, it's gone. I have the brain of a piano, as long as there's someone or something to play on it, melody will come. Haha.

Coming back to melbourne. I remembered why i wanted to calm my mind. Face the music. Smile while i still can. Cause i always can. Just have to remembered what Abigail keep telling me, "Need to wait. Need to wait."

' I'm waiting here. Been waiting here. '

I want to run Away from here...

2010-04-09T10:05:00.002+08:00

It's 9th April,2010!! And u noe what today is?? Its :

NEW ZEALAND DAY!@@!!@!!!~!

It's not their national day la. It's the Day Russell Hee is going to new zealand. Since the day, me 2 cousins migrated there, i've always wanted to go to new zealand. It's a land of wonders and mystery. And the land where cows and sheeps never grow old. ;)

Going to c my cute coussies. Ah huh, ah huh, ah huh, ah huh~~ WWWHHHEEE~~ YEA!!~!! I'm so hyped up right now. Can i hug u? It's just 4 hours left to my flight. I'm so excited.

Erm. The rest of my holiday was alright. Monday, went and cut my hair. Haha. Shuai ge liao le now. And i tried dying my hair. But it didn't work. Haiz. Nevermind. I'm still gona keep dying till there's colour!! Pooled den Hungry jacks. Tuesday, went to my aunt's place and played pool and hungry jacks. AGAIN!!! Wednesday, i went docklands with Chantel and Wesley. We walked there even. 30mins walk. It's actually quite near. Had fun there. Came back, Pooled and Hungry Jacks. Thursday, Chantel came again! Zzz. Then it was Ziyans b'day. Haha. The video they made were AWESOME!! I gotta have that video. Then Hungry Jacks again!!.

If you guys have been reading to the text above, u might have notice Hungry Jacks appearing in every sentence. I can't get over with Hungry Jacks. It's the nearest food centre at night. Haha. Someone please stop me.

I need to get away. Apart from visiting my aunt in New Zealand, i just want to calm my mind. Let go of everything in Melbourne. Eventhough i've arrived here 3 months only, but these 3 months has cause too much emotion for me. Sometimes, people need somewhere to hide for awhile and think about life again right?

When i come back, i'm new again. Hopefully. So bye bye Melbourne, take care of my friends here. Hope you'll be fine.

' I keep listening to Just so you Know. And i know why. :( '

Starting of Holidays.

2010-04-03T09:22:00.005+08:00

It's the holidays! I should be happy. But thinking about it. I REALLY have nothing to do. I know they say Melbourne is the place where everything comes to life and the fun never stops. But all i do everyday is pool and hungry jacks. I not sienz about pool la. But don't expect me the 2 weeks of my holiday i'm gonna play pool. Walao~~

And hungry jacks. OMG!~!! Let me tell you guys my relationship with hungry jacks. Thursday night, after pool, me, gary, pui ping and yuin went to eat hungry jacks. That is for supper. Then the next day, at 11.00am, me and gary is goin to St. Kilda beach so we had our brunch at Hungry Jacks. Warh~~~~ Then around 4pm went to the nearest Mcd in St.Kilda. MCDonalds le. (another fast food). Then came back. We played pool again. Then guess what is for supper? HUNGRY JACKS!! And tonight, i ate Hungry Jacks for supper again. Wao. I seriously gotta stop eating hungry jacks. 3 nights in a row Hungry Jacks for supper le. NOt because of getting fat. But because my relationship wit hungry jacks ain't gotta work out. So, ya. Hungry jacks we gotta stay apart for awhile.

Me, Gary and our gang dat we just joined few days ago went to St.Kilda Beach. Ya. Cool. Just that yesterday was GOod Friday, a public holiday. So they were a lot of ppl. And they were a lot of dead jellyfish. Zzz. Disgusting buy fascinating. haha. Then we went to the theme park. And we rode a mini roller-coaster. Walao.

First time riding roller-coaster here le. My first roller-coaster ride. Sob. Never will forget that day. Haha. Then we went back to the city. And shopped! I hate shopping but when u are with Gary, the Shopping virus catch on to you. I bought 2 shirts. And we were debating on whether i should buy 1 jacket.

Me : Eh. This jacket good o not?

Gary: TMD! Gay ar.

Me : Gay meh? Look la. Got paris. And it's white le(My fav colour)

Gary : Gay!! You want buy. Buy la.

Me : Ok lo. I buy.

(I take off from the shelf)

Gary : Gay!!

Me : Eh!! Eiffel tower seems gay ar?

Gary : Nevermind. Buy la.

(Walkin to the counter)

Gary : Gay la! Serious ma?

( I put the jacket back)

Gary : Don't want buy ar?

( I walk out d shop)

Ya. So this is how. Me and Gary shop.

Then we call it a day, as we both say bye to Tico, Chantel, Zhi Wei and Syahmin. Fun. Our newly joined gang. Haha. PIctures all in Facebook. There's just to much pictures to put here. Ok la. I just lazy. Haha.

Looking forward to my trip to New Zealand. Because of my 2 cute cousins~~~~

I got 2 years din c dem liao wei. So long le. Still remember Abigail couldn't even walk kok. And pinch her cheeks. And hug her. And talk gugugugugugagagaga wit her. I sound pretty much like a girl here. Maybe Gary's right. I'M FREAKING GAY!!~~!! Nevermind. We need more gay to balance the human population. :P.

Ya. They've grown.

I went watched movie with Chantel today. She's out of my league.

Nice movie. They were like asking d hot girl to go into the pool.

They : Hey! Come into the pool wit us!

Girl : I din bring my bathing suit.

They: Nvm. U can just wear ur undies and jump in.

Girl: That is a good idea.

(Awkward silence)

Girl : If i am wearing any.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Funny yet touching. We shuld wac more this kind of movie to enjoy life. haha.

Thanks to Chantel, i fell in love with a song. Owl City's The Saltwater Room. The intro already damn nice, then keep on listening. My mind just keeps on urgin me to go listen to d song. The power of music. It never fails.

' When we're apart, whatever are you thinking of? '

Tired

2010-03-30T13:49:00.003+08:00

Literature. Done! I say i did a good job cause i remembered what i wrote.

Maths. Done! I say i did a sucky job cause i only remembered i was hungry.

I feel damn tired this few days. And the only thing that Gary do whenever he sees me no mood is bring me to play pool. Zzz. I mean.. why wei?! People see me no mood cheer me up or buy me food. But his kind of medication is Pool. Sadly, it actually works. Addicted to pool ki. And hungry jacks.

After 2 months of eating hungry jacks in melbourne. I still weigh 60kg! WTH! HOI! 60kg wei. I wanted the needle to move up, so i wore more clothes and it just went up to 61kg. I think i sh!t too much.

Holiday just started and... i really do not know what i wana do. There's that St. Kilda beach trip. And they want me become the tour guide cause i went they before. Once. Nevermind, what's life without courage and fun and mistakes. The most we end up is somewhere near Alice Springs. We'll still be in Australia. Haha. (My jokes are getting crappier)

I wana go back in time. And revisit those moments where, i did stupid stuffs.

Being raped and tortured.

Being a girl for one whole day.

I miss fui stuff.

One song about girl,

God! I miss her. :(

' To be loved.

Everyone wants to be loved.'

Life goes on

2010-03-27T23:59:00.004+08:00

When we do not know what the future is,

we look back to think what was the future.

Goodbye Choong! Goodbye Alan! Go NS wei! I know it's bad but there's always a good in every bad thing. Like just think that u guys are gona get muscular besides getting dark and eat bad food. Haha. And and and and and and getting up at 6am every morning. Haha.

Nvm. Just remember there's a buabe somewhere in d world missing u guys. Haha. June i come back wana c u guys BAlD! Think of Bald as a sexy image. Haha. Gonna miss u guys. After all wit been through, after i've been away from u guys for so long, our buabe-ness have never gone down. We still talk cock and girls like we were in front of each other.

I miss Fui gang more than ever now. I need that happiness wei. Haiz. Last year was u guys who brought me to life again. Drugs. You guys were my drugs. Addictive but happy. Gotta fill my mind with stuff again. Music. Food. Homeworks. Exam. Fun. It ain't enough. But it's the onli drugs i got. Like i said, life goes on. I decide where the full stop is. But i'm still weak. Zzz. Nvm. I won't forget that fui gang loves me.

Good luck choong~~ U gonna need it. U stole my first, second and third kiss. Please please please no 4th. I'm not gonna tel my gf i lost my 3 kisses to a boy. SAME boy kok! Wao. Be a good drummer. I gotta need u when i become famous. Haha. Bye~

Buabe~ We first met during starting of form 2, and since that day, we 2 were inseparable. We two Khai's are the best talk-cockers that all the talk-cockers had ever met. When we both are together. HOI! We are unstoppable wei. And the girls we talked about. WEll~ this IS public. Haha. Good luck wei. Although u already have muscles liao, but u still gotta wake up at 6am every morning. Haha.

My life is brilliant (I'm very smart)

My life is pure ( I never do THAT one before)

I saw an angel ( My house is haunted)

Of that i'm sure ( I'm very sure)

She smiled me on the subway ( Someone's stalking me in the LRT)

She was with another man ( She's a CHIKOPEH!)

I won't lose sleep all night cause i got a plan ( My mattress very comfortable)

You're beautiful ( You're very pretty)

It's true ( I'm very sure)

I saw your face in a crowded place (You're also quite fat cause so many people and i can still see you)

And i don't know what to do (because i had no food)

Cause I will never be with you ( i'm scared you will eat me)

This is how i make myself laugh. Haha. No fui gang here. So need to make myself fui. Miss u guys.

' I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm alright. I'm not alright. '

2010-03-26T10:34:00.004+08:00

The rain hover in the sky, like the tears held in the eyes

This Maybe the last time we see each other

Going through the images, it can't be replayed no more.

That walk becomes cold.

Hitting of the waves, covered the twilight,

Left only that smile unforgotton.

Under the stars, hugging the warmth that is slowly deteriorating,

That love can only be complete in the memories.

Wants to hug you, dare not let you see,

the undrop tear on the lips.

If this is the last page, then before i leave,

can you let me rewrite that story?

' Dont mind me, i'm happy :) '

2010-03-25T20:18:00.002+08:00

Hey,

i don't know what to say.

But just keep smiling.

Just smile

Even if it hurts, just smile and let it go

Even when tears fall again,

just treat it as tears of happiness.

Remember, u have The most beautiful smile.

' :) '

24th March, 2010

2010-03-24T22:45:00.005+08:00

My first birthday without my family and fui gang was not a bad thing. Albert house is my family at this stage of my life and i know that they will always be my family.

During 24th March,2010 00.00am, almost all the Albertians sang 5 different languages of Happy Birthday to me. We just met only one month and i already feel like i'm part of something already. You guys made me feel like i'm back in Kuching. Thanks wei.

Wednesday class started as usual, but i was proud of myself for getting d highest score in drama class. 9/10 wei. Haha. Me and lewis got 9. Walao. Seriously, i'm gonna be an actor. Next time u guys not only see Russell Crowe. But Russell Hee too. XD!~!! Then like that M&C was studying George Michael being gay. And how he overcome d media. Don't know if it's all right to show police man kissing. But Wtheck, this is Melbourne.

I don really know how 2 do a surprise face. haha. But i was really surprise.

Thank you,

Xing Yao, Yuin, Michelle, Kai Leun, Victor, Benjamin, Isaac, Gary, Bong, Felix, Kai Liang, Pui Ping, Adrienne, Zhi Yan, Ivy, Ziyan, Pei Ern, Vincent, Lewis, Tan Ying, Cheryl, Koala, Cheryl, Liang Qi, Christien, Dwayne, Nicole, Wayne, Aidee, Matthew, Amos, Shereen, Bernice, Ui Qi, Max, Louisa, Randell, CJ and Janelle.

You guys bought me a chocolate cake and a cheese cake, chocolate bunny, big card but the one i love most was the Keyboard. YOU GUYS REALLY BOUGHT ME A KEYBOARD. But i really wana thank my roommate, Ling Xing Yao, who planned on buying d keyboard. ROOMIE LOVE IS STILL STRONG!! I did not expected that, did not expected that.

Was coming back home with Gary carrying a printer and speakers. Then Gary ask me open that door. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RUSSELL!~!~!!. Haha. Should have known. But u guys did really made a great job in making me love u guys even more. I'm gonna play that keyboard everyday.

' Relax '

The past

2010-03-22T21:17:00.002+08:00

Love. Remember the time where i would just wait until my eyes knt tahan no more just for dat 1 last message from her.

Break ups should really happen during rainy days, let the sky help us cover our tears. 17th March, 2009, some boy said : " You think we should we go on ar? " He regretted for 8 months just because of that sentence. Ya. As he only took his friends as drugs. It's the only happiness he can find. It's been 1 year and 6 days already, and he's doing all well but the past still's inside. I guess that's what first love do, they're always the sweetest and the bitter-est.

1 year and 6 days liao wei, how u doing wei? Still like hello kitty ma? Haha. I still kept that hello kitty eraser you gave me and that giraffe key-chain. I still dono what that giraffe key-chain meant but i know it's very meaningful to me. I've written 6 songs about you. Don't know if you know that o not? But thinking about you gave me inspirations.

I've moved on. My heart finally packed all it's stuff and moved in to another person. I miss those days where we would just talk cock and forget about everything. Good luck wei. You moved on faster than me. But don't move to fast, cause the rabbit didn't win the race, the tortoise did. Haha

I'm turning 18 tomorrow. YEA!! Tomorrow!

The big 1-8.

It's the age where illegal things turn legal.

I can watch +18 movies.

I can go into clubs.

I can drink.

I can live in an apartment.

As time goes by, i still look at the star right above that church. The brightest star. Cause i know that's the star Melbourne and Kuching can see together.

If i walk, would you run?

If i stop, would you come?

If i say you're the one, would you believe me?

Maybe i'm not ready but i'll...

Try for your love.

' Sh*t! Her smile is getting more beautiful '

Smiles.

2010-03-17T14:53:00.009+08:00

I miss her smiles and her laughter wei. Still remember last year, she was onli a month old. So damn cute. Keep smiling Jesslyn, i go back Kuching wana c u know how 2 walk liao wei.

2 weeks of class, and there's assignments and assessments and quizzes and homeworks and projects and exams are coming in 2 weeks time. Term 1 have only 3 weeks nia. Zzz. 3 weeks nia wei. And dis week is ored d 2nd week.

Q :Did u guys noe dat from d hostel to Trinity college is like agak agak 30 mins.

Response :WARH~~

To and fro is like 1 hour wei. Back in Sg.Maong i no need do dat wei, i just get my car key, turn d ignition, drive drive drive 10mins reach school gate liao. Here, i need to wear my shoes, take my key, walk walk walk walk 30 mins baru reach school gate. That's what i call cultural difference. Hahahaha. No la. Actually walking not quite bad la, it's special.

Me, Gary and Pui Ping have been going to d music room these few nights. I just like going there cause he plays drums and i play piano and Pui Ping doing nothing. Then we go to Hungry Jacks to eat. I'm fat. I'm freaking fat ored wei. If i keep eating hungry jacks, one month later u're gona c me buying angmo size shirts and sweat pants liao. Haha.

Brings me back to my band back in school. Dunstan ar, Ah choong ar.. I miss our band wei. Remember dat time we need to practice 6 songs in like 2 days. Haha. Luckily with my genius and cleverness and shuai-ness, we were able to finish. Miss those times wei. And and and, we joined the school band just to ponteng class. Haha. It's like skipping class to have fun legally. And remember we practice d THis is me and Graduation day song, that was d first time we played togather. When Ah Choong hit dat drum and Dunstan strumming d guitar and me Hitting dat key. Walao, nothing can replace dat feeling we had dat day. I smiled an uncontrollable smile.

I cut my hair. Cut it for free. YEA~~ YEA~~ Good thing is it's free. Bad thing is it's free. Haha. My roommate cut it for me. Ya. I still trust him to cut (maybe..maybe). Next week gotta go cut hair in a REAL saloon liao.

Oh ya, forgot to tell u guys my roommate. My brothers ored like HOI! How ure roommate wei? He treat u nice o not? And i was like Go my blog n c his face. Zzz. Then u noe wad type of person he is.

So this is my roommate. Haha. Mr. Ling Xing Yao. A picture tells a thousand words. Hahahahaha. Only 1 word pops into my mind now....Hehehehehehe

He's d one on d right. He's an awesome roomie. He's like my older brother o something. I'm happy. It's ok if u cut my hair wrong and ugly and weird, our ROOMIE LOVE IS STILL STRONG!! Haha. He's currently studying in Melbourne Uni and he goes to d gym pretty much everyday. Because of him, i get to know d world a little more. But today, i hate him cause i malu myself a lot of times today, like drinking sour chocolate milk, dropping my underwear on d stairs, and he made me hot wei. Nvm. Our roomie love is strong, i'm still loving him. haha

This video was made specially for Alan Chai Min Khai. Who din attend my farewell party. Sob. F4 wasn't complete dat day u noe. But because of this video i laughed everytime i c it. Prit ar wei. I miss u wei. Haha. Ya. A chinese missing a singh guy. Nothing's wrong wit dat. Love is a powerful thing where it knows no boundaries. Where even people from different culture, different race, different hairstyle (turban) can love one another. I love u Amarprit as a brother (scandal wife). Haha.

We hug.

Ya. That's malaysian F4. WARH~~ Haha. From left, Alan the basketballer, Prit the Singh, Me the musician and Brahma the Indian. Haha. Now is F3 in Malaysia. Nvm!! I'm gotta spread d popularity of Malaysia F4. WOO~~

We Malaysia F4 doesn't have d looks and wealth as d Korea F4. But ladies, having a sense of humour is always sexy. Haha. (I'm promoting Malaysia F4).

' She has The most beautiful smile. :) '

Happiest day

2010-03-11T08:21:00.005+08:00

Mom? Dad? Happy ma? With my results? I noe i didn't got straight A's like d others. But.. I really feel dat 8A's is ored good enough for me. It's more than good. It's amazing wei. 8a's from me. It's like..wao. Am i dat smart ma wei?? Haha.

Mom, u promise say that if i got good results u buy me phone wei. Haha. Phone o no phone, i nevermind. I want A KEYBOARD WEI!!! Yuan wang. Life without my keyboard. Like damn boring. I cannot write songs.. I got so many songs in my head dat i wana rite. But....i can't express it out without a keyboard. A keyboard is my...my..wife wei. Without her, i can't be Russell wei. And i miss my keyboard back in Kuching. SOB!! So many memories. But sadly, i have to get a new one. Haiz.

1st week of lectures and tutorials in Trinity.

I was taught to think independantly.

Speak out.

Have fun.

Practice music.

Maths 1 : I hate TRIGONOMETRY!!!

Media & communications : The teacher damn boring~~ and ored got assignment to do.

Music : I haven't even found a teacher yet wei!!~~!!

Drama : Most fun of all. I'm seriously thinking of becoming an actor :P

Literature : I will never know what William Shakespeare was thinking.

English : Si Pui Ping. Same class with me. Zzz.

History of ideas : Lecture was boring.

All in all, i had an awesome week. First week of college was fun. Very fun. Freedom i guess. But my parents are still in my head. So must study and not go out every night. Knt, i repeat, knt let my parents down. I let dem down once, and it was not good. Even worse, dey din even scold me. Zzz.

I've adjusted myself to Melbourne. Even though i damn damn damn damn damn miss Kuching, but i've grown to like Melbourne. New friends, new food, new freedom, new school, new culture, new rules, new experiences, new weather, new life wei.

But sometimes when i hear Fui gangs voice or chatting wit u guys, i want go back Kuching wei. Like getting results, hear u guys all there getting results, i oso wana go wei and talk cock and 做fui wei. Fui gang, don break up wei. I don wan go back Kuching and find Fui gang not Fui gang no more. I'm gona be so freaking piss wei.

Well, i duno wad 2 talk liao wei. Just dat, i got 8 A's!! WOOHOO~~ Ben lai wn go buy beer and celebrate last night with my roommate. But.... because of 'Peoples' in our room.Interrupting us. Wana celebrate oso knt wei. Nevermind, my birthday is next next week.

' I'm so damn damn damn Happy today, because i get to walk wit...'

Amazing raci..

2010-03-07T07:52:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, Albert house held an Amazing race. Never trust melbourne's forecast. Let me tell u dat. Our group : Phyllis, Kar Yen, Amos, Beverly, Tan Ying, Zhi yan, Me and Ian, started as dry as a fried beancurd. Our goal is to go to a place given by d clue and take a group photo. D reward is 2gb per month for 3 months. That's y everybody wants it ma. Zzz..So our first clue was near Imax theatre. So we RAN RAN RAN THERE!!ZAO ar!!

Our first dry picture. Easy to find cause it's d Imax building.

2nd dry picture. This was near Imax. So was easy too.

3rd dry photo. Count as easy la. Cause we went round dis building a lot of times.

4th dry picture. This 1 kek dao wei. We went round dis building 2 times wei. 3rd time baru spot tiok. So faster take wei..

5th dry picture. We ran. ran ran ran ran to dis park.

6th dry picture. Tired liao. Starting to lose energy liao.

This is d last dry picture. Were in a place call treasury gardens.

After d treasury gardens. We were finding a building. Then suddenly Tak Tak Tak!! HOI! TAk! Tak! Tak!... Blocks of ice came from d sky. I duno how to say la but.. Force = Mass x Acceleration.... So we all ran to a nearby toilet to get shelter. A female toilet. Ya. My first time experiencing a hailstorm and i hid in a female toilet. Haha. So all 10 of us hid in a female toilet for like 15 mins? After d hailstorm stops, we ran although is was raining. Ran to find another shelter.

We found shelter in a greenhouse i tink. Rest 4 awhile. Then Zao!! Go take picture liao. D 2gb was still in our head dat time.

It was still raining. But we still went on with d race. This i call Team Spirit. Haha. Phyllis was shaking.

Then we WALKED to our next destination. Knt run liao. Slippery and tired. Zhi Yan still holding on her pain and leading d way. Strong strong.

Then when we reached our destination. We found snow!! Haha. I tink it was snow cause it was cold and white. And we were like FASTER TAKE PICTURE!! I was freaking cold and wet.

1st try..not nice. 2nd try i was d one holding d umbrella. So it was good.

Then we walk walk walk walk. My leg pain ar!!~! Pain ar!!~~!! But i was a man and tahan-ing it wei. Under d rain some more. Walked from d snow place to some train station. We still ask ppl where d picture is. ' The greatest show on Earth' Luckily 1 kind man told us where it was. Our smile was becoming more and more real.

At this point, d 2gb disappear liao. Onli d thought of completing as much pictures, we already happy liao. So we went down flinders street. And came to an alley. And took pictures as fast as we can.

We were tired. All of us. But we still kept going. Walking under d rain. Shivering. Were finding an immigration theatre o something. Tired wei. I walk duno how mani km liao.

We found it finally!!! Hair all wet. This last pic. Our smile was d most genuine. We were damn tired.

Then say wn go Victoria market continue 1. Beverly was like NO No No please don't. Haha. So, go back. Which was an even longer walk. We were walking through swanston street all wet and cold. Phyllis was d coldest, shivering still. Luckily i good guy and keep warming her up. Shuld treat me more good la wei. Haha.

I experience a lot of first times here in Melbourne. I won't forget dis. Cause Kuching won't get hailstorms. In Kuching, i can't go in a female toilet. In Kuching, i won't get to walk under d rain for 2 hours. In Kuching, i can't get to meet more new friends from other states or country. In Kuching, i can't always go play pool. In Kuching, i can't go eat Hungry Jacks in early mornings.

I love Melboune. That's me loving it before school starts. Haha. So hope i still love it after school starts. Haha. Tomorrow college starts liao wei. Got my timetable. And i won't have class till 1.45pm. Wakakaka. Which means can sleep in.

' I made new memories here liao. '

Happy birthday Brother..

2010-03-05T08:44:00.007+08:00

Actually it was yesterday, but today i baru feel d mood to tell him :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUNSTAN , NATSNUD, MOSQUITO, NYAMUK, PUN PUN......!!!

U've been my brother for how mani years liao ar?? 3?? 4?? I dont care.. Time doesn't tell who we are, it's d memories dat tell us who we really are.

In my memories, u are owez d 1 pinching me, hitting me, my nipples still hurt u noe!!!

But all those things u done to me, i felt grateful. I felt like... i'm loved. Not gay love wei. Brother love wei..

Now i'm in Melbourne. It's 6685.50KM away from u. And i feel sad dat i can't celebrate it wit u. But i'm happy u've turn 18 and fui gang celebrated it wit u.... seeing d photos.. i know u're happy. Cherish wei. Must cherish all of these memories wit fui gang. Cause 1 day, u will leave dem jz like me. Not literally leave dem la. But just not like in 5sc1 where we everyday meet and tlk cock. And get to c fui gang duno how mani tyms a month onli..

Happy birthday, Dunstan Yek..... June i go back. Give u d present. Damn... Theres alot of presents i gotta bring back wei. Diao~~..i broke liao u noe. But u my brother..... And i giv u present u oso gotta giv me present.. hahaha...dis is call brother love..

I noe ur love life sucks. But trust me, u will find someone more more more more better den d ones u chased. I've been there whenever u kena hurt. That's y i noe dat u will find someone way more better. U jz turned 18. Life jz started wei. Bachelor life oso just started. Haha. Spm results wn come out le. Sure get d results more geng den me. Yuan wang. Get ready to study liao wei. And do more cooking weil. Ur wife next time need u to cook wei. And ur brother oso wei (russell). He wants to eat ur sea cucumber soup and vegetables wit ikan bilis wei. I miss ikan bilis wei!!!

Ya wei.Shuai ge le~~~ ( not 2 me wei) Actually got 1 pic damn damn damn mmmmmmmmmmmmmmtahan 1.. but i scared i put he killed me. But wad d heck. i'm in melbourne, he can't even scold me wei. haha

There's he in d front. Sexy wei. hahahahahahahah.a don't kill me wei.. Cause your present haven giv u wei.

' Happy birthday wei....'

College life

2010-02-26T21:58:00.003+08:00

College life is about how we feel about changes.

I duno am i taking myself well o not.

But all i noe is, Mom, u shuldn't worry. I'm happy. If anything happens, i'm gona call u firz.

You're still d same. And i hope u stay d same.

I miss kolo mee, kampua, teh c peng, laksa, kueh chap, char kueh!!!

Most of all i miss fui gangs outing.

Diao. Seeing d videos made by u ppl. My birthday wish, is gona be hanging out wit fui gangs.

Even though it's all talking cocks and crap. But it's all meaningful cocks and crap.

Next time fui gangs go out. Remember to take more videos ar!!!

Miss u guys so so so much....

OK. get back to my life.

It's just not d same. Like wad i learn today, CULTURE SHOCK!

Dis few days had been attending my orientation.

Quite ok la. I chose 5 subjects.

English, History of ideas, Music, Media & communications and Maths 1.

There are 500++ international in Trinity College.

Onli 6 took up music.

2 of dem from Kuching.

5 boys and 1 girl.

That's damn little la. 6 nia!!

dat's like a ratio of 500:6

250:3.

Zzz

The benefit of studying music is u get d key to go inside d trinity and go inside d music builiding. Ya. So i can literally break into my school at night. haha. But quite scary le. Hahaha.

Stayin at Albert house, has been fabulousness. I made lots of friends. I gained a lot of experience. And i ate a lot of food. Since my roommate came. I had been goin out every night. Go play pool, go night market, go walk walk, go makan. And melbourne has d most...expensive bt tasty melbourne food. Like gelatos, chocolates...etc,etc ,etc..

Me and mah friends went beach . It was like a 30mins tram ride. WE had fun. Ya. Cold..It was freaking cold.!! and i was wearing shorts nia. Diao. Even my little brother ored shivering la wei. We had fun lo. Threw someone in water, play football lo..emo lo. haha. Go my facebook c d pictures. haha.

Haiz..College life is...how to say..too free.. Like sleep too late, drink too much, on9 too much, eat too much.

Check out my songs wei. I upload up there le. It's all full songs. Not like last time stupid imeem onli 30secs preview.Zzz.Wad's to preview? It's all in correct order, as in d 1st song i made to d last song i made. Y'all can c my progress i guess.

Recently have been wacin 熊猫人。Ok la..Jay Chou direct d ma. Haha. There's one song i like.

' When life keeps moving on, It's best if we move on too. '

2010-02-18T17:05:00.002+08:00

No, Russell no.

She help me open d door doesn't mean that u shuld like her.

No, Russell no.

She made that pig face when she can't open d door doesn't mean she's cute.

No, Russell no.

She have long hair doesn't mean u shuld like her.

No, Russell no.

She's a stranger to u so don't like her first.

' I hate love at first sight '

City life.

2010-02-18T13:24:00.004+08:00

Walking d streets alone. It's weird when u try things the first time.

When they say city life is always walking around.

IT's true wei. For the past few days been walking around d streets.

Eating alone.

Looking at how people just don't care who u are and just get on with their life.

Living at the hostel. It's independent-ish. Except for d cooking.

They cook great food. Like Kuching food. Which makes me feel at home i guess.

Haven't really meet tiok friends kok. Haiz. My roommate haven't come yet.

So do everything alone for now.

What u guys see in the tv about city. Is all true.

Like how angmo meet each other. And hug.

And the trams going up and down.

And street performances entertaining pedestrians.

Kuching city can't compare to melbourne city.

Even KL can't compare to here.

Melbourne is actually a real city.

But that's why i really miss Kuching. Cause it's not like Melbourne city.

It's Kuching.

The place where i just walk and won't get lost.

I picked the bed beside the window.

Because i want to look at d sky every night.

Reminding me that there's still a star out there that is also facing Kuching.

Just wish upon the star. It won't hurt to bring out d kid in me. Haha.

我好想你们哦。看到他们在外面讲话，都会让我想起你们。孤单让我知道周围，让我知道怎么自己活。可是孤单没有让我好好笑过。很想念自己的笑容。

Today went to my school. To register myself. Haha. They treat me real good. DAMMN~~ good. I felt like they care. That's a good start. Haha. Monday is gonna be my first step into college life. But like they say, first step is always d hardest.

是。。我新的学校很很很很很美！！超刁的。但是Sungai Maong 还是我想要回去的。废帮，很想你们再让我笑。

Yesterday, fui gang went visiting. Because of technology. I get to partially to go to. Haha. We webcamed. But i onli get to go some nia. Cause terry's laptop low batt. Sob. I really wana go. C all those fui face. Made me wana fly back join dem. Really miss dem. I'm alone here. And they are all there saying they miss me. They din change. Well some did la. Haha. Like Jenny become thin liao bo. Amarprit become more disgraceful. Wearing pink shirt and pink socks. HOI!! Terry, Irene, Woon Shan, Natasha, George all dyed their hair le. Haha. Well, they're starting to give me temptations to go dye my hair. Something 罗志祥 oso can. Haha. But i duno how to take care my hair. Haha. So, for now. Just keep it black. Haha

看到你们。开心了。昨晚如果能跟到你们到我这边一两点都可以。正晚没睡也可以。你们都没变。一点没变。还是一样fui。哈哈。脸还是那样fui。 6月我会去的时候。记得还是要一样fui。因为哪就是我回去的原因。看我最想的fui gang!!! Fui gang本来就是Fui gang.

With his hairstyle like that. I can get chicks. Haha. Melbourne here chicks a lot. So many till u duno which one to choose. Haha. If playboy come here sure want every chick in his bed. Luckily i gentleman. Erhem. Erhem. I won't simply kao lui d. Unless it's necessary. Haha.

海派甜心 want watch finish le. DIAO~~ This show. U watch beh tahan d ar. U watch one finish. Den will beh tahan go watch d other episode. Cause each episode kin tio d wei.

U guys got watch ma? Must watch wei. Touching. Veli touching. Being a tough guy, i even almost, ALMOST cry. Touching. Veli Touching.

Let u guys watch one scene la.

Sad. Veli sad. Sad. Veli sad.

' Emptiness have been filled by memories of fui gang's fuiness.

Is that a good tin?

I tink i'm fui-gang sick. '

Moving bed again.

2010-02-15T10:41:00.003+08:00

It's been 4 weeks le. Today, i'm gonna move into my hostel. Kintio wei. Haha. But also excited cause i want to be who i am. Not people helping me be who i am. I want to thank my parents and my aunt for always being there, not letting me go but u guys can't hold my hand forever right? I'm a big boy now. I'm 18 years old le and away from home. I'm gona release my hands now. I want to depend on myself to survive.

I want to make interesting friends.

I want to go shop for groceries by myself.

I want to do something stupid that i regret doing it.

I want to fall in love.

I want to be in a relationship.

I want to do my own finance.

I want to earn money by myself.

I want to solve problems by myself.

It's not that i don't want my parents to protect me. But.... i just want to experience life by myself. Want to go school by myself. Buy textbook by myself. Register myself. I know it's hard. It's hard for everyone who loves me to let me go. I find it hard myself to live life by myself. But i must try. I've already gone so far from Kuching. Even though i miss Kuching so much. But i also have to make memories here in Melbourne, know i can't have another fui gang here. But there's a chance that i can form another gang here. That's fui too. Haha.

Bye Kuching. Once i step into that hostel tonight. There won't be my aunt to do everything for me. There's just Me.

Recently, have been watching this show. 海派甜心。By 罗志祥 and 杨丞琳.

罗志祥 acting good u noe. 杨丞琳 too. It's about 薛海 going overseas to study, leaving his bigger sitters protection. He wants to do everything alone cause he's always been well protected. (I'm beginning to think that we are in d same situation). Haha. Then he meets 杨丞琳 a very fierce fierce fierce girl. But they fell in love. But d girl have to leave him cause her mom only wants her to marry rich guy and not a poor guy. Well.......it's funny. So u guys better watch.

This chinese new year sucks wei. Zzz. I only receive 2 angpaos. 2 NIA WEI!!! WTH!! To me i'm very sad to receive only 2. Hope u guys in kuching don't have d same situasi as me wei. If i in Kuching i want to have all d angpaos wei.

I'm gonna start packing now. Look at all those tins on d floor. And fui gang ar. Remember me ar!!! DOn't go visiting without me. Bring laptops!!

And kitty ar wei. I want that song wei. I always go your blog listen that song nia. And ar...Keep smiling. I noe it's hard for u to smile now. But i wana c dat pretty smile wei.

' I'm scared of letting go. But i have to'

Happy Chinese New year!

2010-02-13T19:40:00.005+08:00

Since i'm not in Kuching I better do tis....

Ya'll Heard me. I said HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! Ya wei.

WE all gotta roar like d tiger. Hunt like d tiger. Tink like d tiger. Mate like d tiger.

I know i know i know. You all miss me. Sob. That's y i did a video. But there's more....

Take it easy wei. My first time take photos. So.... Don't critisize me wei. I'm not gonna take pictures of myself le. Melbourne...... Sob. Just don't have d mood to celebrate Chinese New year. Even though all d hot chicks wearing shorts, with their long, white, smooth legs. HOI!!! Back to d subject. There's no fui gang here wei. It's like u're stuck in a place where there's no entertainment. I did went and watch Valentine's day and Percy Jackson. DIaO!! Nice wei. Percy Jackson sat!! Valentine's day just romantic. But d tickets here. $15 wei! Cinema nia ma. Y need so expensive?

Chinese New Year in a place where angmo live is sort of quiet. There's no fire-works. There's no lion dance. But hot chicks. ON WEI! There's no nice hokkien mee, kolo mee. There's no red. I gotta find myself a girlfriend wei. I'm getting lonely here!! Haha

I'm gonna move in my hostel on monday. So, ya, looking forward to it. And hopefully, hopefully, oh i pray to GOD! The movies there are cheaper. Nervous bout going in Trinity College cause they send me d welcome letter saying there's orientation. Gotta do everything alone now! Registration, there's even an English Diagnostic test. Yuan wang. in Skul owez test Diagnostic test now still need. Zzz. Scared wei. But it's all hood. I'm an adult now. I don't need no one's help. Everything have to be done alone. Berdikari.

Miss u guys. Really do. Hope u guys get more angpao den i did. I bet u will. Zzz. And fui gangs. Remember ar wei. Take me out during visiting, Technology's so much better now. Haha. And Prit ar wei. Here's something for u.

' Miss u mom. Hope nothing happens to u.

Happy valentine's day. '

Living in Memories

2010-02-04T21:28:00.003+08:00

It's been almost 3 weeks here le. People and myself, how it's going? Fine?

Well really it's fine. I'm fine. More den fine. Too fine~ Bt i can't put d past behind. Haha. Funny how life owez goes on without waiting for u 2 put behind d past.

I dream every night bout d days i hve in Kuching. Dunstan, Alan, Terry, Amarprit, Mom, Dad even Kitty wei. Y kitty wei. Haha. Even d ppl i dun tlk wit appear in my dreams.

HEck, i even wake up tinkin i'm still In kuching and it's 3 weeks ored. Guess i'm still homesick. But i dun feel sick. Just missing d memories. How everything triggers a fragment of my memory. D talks i had with fui gang.

It was our final exam before SPM, Me, alan, Amarprit, Brahma were 'studying' for our sejarah test.

Four of us were sitting facing each other.

Me : Sejarah learn for wad? Yuan wang. I just onli remember Parameswara c a kancil kick his dog nia.

Alan : Really meh? I thgt kancil kick a wolf?

Prit : Y parameswara go c kancil kick dog wei? Sudenli walk 2 a tree and say i call dis place MELAKA!!

Me : How i noe ar wei? Maybe he tink everytin he own d ma. So he go where, he cn open one country. We go d trees outside our skul oso cn simply name our country

Prit : How u noe? U parameswara ar?

Me : I parameswara grandson u duno ar?

Brahma : U wan me SMack~~ u ar? (dat's owez his line) Somebody smack him?!

(Brahma and Alan and Amarprit hittin me wit sejarah notes)

Me : Lata i go Melaka wit Brahma, i get free tins u noe. Like i go d counter, say i parameswara grandson no nid pay.

(Continuos hitting)

Brahma : If u say dat, u better prepare sleep wit d dog dat kena hit by kancil ar?!

Alan : I tink is not d dog kena kicked by d kancil is parameswara, dat's y c d grandson so F**k up one

Me : Respect la wei. Actually parameswara full name i Parameswara Hee u noe.

(F4 Laugh non-stop, den teacher call us get ready exam Sejarah le)

Prit : How? All we learn was parameswara history.

Alan : Just write dat la. C if Mr. Law agrees wit d theory.

Me : Problem is d sejarah we learn, no parameswara inside wei!

(Continuos hitting)

Miss those times wei. Sob. How fui gangs just hang outside MBO planning wad our next move is. For half and hour. Sob. Sometimes just need my mom's voice to remind me dat i come from Kuching n a lot of people are supporting me no matter wad.

Next time baru add videos. Haha. Fui gangs d video.

' In melbourne, there's no fui-ness except me'

My new chapter

2010-01-27T20:10:00.002+08:00

My first blog post here. Wait wait wait! Haven give introductions.

I'M OFFICIALLY IN MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA!!!

Melbourne. The capital of Victoria state, Australia. It's Big. Haha. Remember in Kuching, we see Big roads, Big skyscraper, Big angmos, Farms. WE may tink it's fake o it's just d tv dat makes tins so beautiful. Trust me. They are all real and beautiful.

The city is full of life. It's summer here by the way, honestly, summer ain't that hot wei. The most here like 34 degrees? Dat's like kuching wei. Haha. Just want to try winter.
Since so long din blog le. Better update wad I did. Haha.

It was 5.30am when i woke up on a rainy morning on 18th January,2010. I din sleep much dat nite. Nervousness took over me. Ate my last breakfast, kolo mee~~ Miss it so much. Here kolo mee sucks!!
I was getting ready 2 cry dat tym, when i reached d airport. I'm gona lose sight of my family, friends, honey and my piano for like 6 months. It's a big step and i'm just letting it go bit by bit. Messages and phonecalls brought my tears to my eyes but i held it in. I'm a man wei. Haha.

I was about to say goodbye to my family when Ivonne and Chung Hung appeared. MAN! Were i happy 2 c dem. They made me realize dat my friends are still here waiting for me to come back. And made my tears disappear. Haha. Thanks Ivonne and Chung Hung!! I come back Kuching find u guys firz wei. Haha.

THere's a never rite tym 2 say goodbyes. Period. As i step through dat immigration counter, my sisters, my mom, my dad were just standing there waving goodbye, it made me think dat i have d most 幸福 family. And i hope dat when i come back, they are still there being who they are. Gonna miss u guys........

Well, like i said Angmo's are veli veli friendly. When we were waiting at the counter for check-in, it was a long queue, an Angmo Family talked to me and my aunt. Talked so long kok. Haha. In d plane, an angmo sat next to me. And she kept talkin to me. Haha. I even got her phone number. BLEKS~!! When i arrive at melbourne international Airport it was ored 2am. The winds were so cold. Yuan wang. SAy wad summer. Felt like winter wei. And i slept at 4.30am. Haha.

Over this past two weeks, i've bought a number. Haha. Long wei d number but because of super-smartness i manage to remember it. +6140425806704. Long wei. Haha. But i remember le. Wakakakakaa!!! Then erm........ OHOHOH!! I got a credit card!! WAKAKAAK!! I can drive and i got a credit card. I'm legally an adult. Next is get a girlfriend. Haha.
ERm... Still got, ohohohoh. The food here. HOI! Big wei. Like 3 times bigger den kuching. But expensive la. Hokkien mee 1 for $7.20. So currency exchange is RM21.60. Haha. Hokkien mee lo, Kuching wayyyyyyyyyyyy better.
D people here, u named it, here got. Chinese, Koreans, Japanese, Vietnamese, Indians, Angmos, Irish every race here la. But wad i really wana c is Koreans. Haha. YOPPOSEYO~~~ ANEONGHOSEYO!! Haha. Korean girls. mmmmmmmmmmmm~~~

My school. DIAO~~~~~~ Really la. Amazingly beautiful. Really breath-taking. Believe it or not it really looks like the photo.
Really looks like. Before i went there, i looked at the pictures and i was like:' Just a picture, wun be dat beautiful d la.' Then when i stepped into d school grounds: ' Never underestimate a picture.' The grass even looks d same. So smooth. Haha. My cousin kept saying it's a prestigous school. And till now i dun even noe wad is prestigous school. I guess is a beautiful school.
Melbourne's city veli veli city-ish. Not like Kuching City wei. Haiz. It's beautiful and all but it just doesn't hold those beautiful memories in Kuching City. Nothing can replace dat.

Jia you lo Russell!! I'm overseas le. Study hard. Don't want my mom to cry. DOn't want my dad to just gave those money away. Don't want my sisters to get laughed by people. Don't want my friends to look down on me. Like dey say, I'm gona be Jay Chou no.2! BUt i wana be Russell Hee where i'm be more famous den him.

Now still at my aunt hse. Boring wei. Haha. Haven't even made friends. Wait after CNY baru move in hostel. Haiz. SO long kok. Wait i at hostel baru take pics for u guys c. With my roommate i guess. Haha. There's so much tins to say kok. But if i'm d reader, i sienz liao wei. haha. Next time ba. Well~~ Hello Melbourne!

' I sang negaraku every morning. xP '

17th January 2010

2010-01-17T23:28:00.002+08:00

It's today. It's finally here. 17th January,2010 a day before i depart. Depart to study. Sob. I really will cry. I'm just holding it up. I guess life moves on. After Form 5, sure got ppl go here n there. Me. I go Australia. Away from this multi-racial country. Sob.
Really gona miss everything. Every memory dat i have in Kuching.

My parents:
Thanks for supporting me. Mostly people hear wad their child saying dey wan music. Parents will stop dem from achieving dat dream. But not my parents. Dey are special. They were d first to support me in my dream. I don't want to disappoint dem. As every child's dream is to make their parent's proud. I'm one of d every child. With all those money u spent on me. Really wana repay dem. I'm gona b d best goddamn song-writer!!

F4 :
Amarprit! Brahma! ALan! Russell! We gona rock d world with Malaysian's F4!! HAha. 4 stupid but most interesting people form these group. 4 brothas. Sob. Amarprit ar, dont emo. We all gona separate one day. Everything has an end. But not for our friendship. It neva end. Even if we both are dead, we still talk crap in heaven rite? Haha. Brahma, i've onli known u for like 2 years, and u're like a brother 2 me liao. Alan ar, u gotta stop pangse-ing us liao wei. f4 ain't f4 wen there's onli f3. Get the math?
Terry, our f4 manager. His been my best-fren since form1 wei. I've gone through every girlfriend with him. Gone through every hard-kicking ass problems with him. But nothing seems to stand in the way between our brotherhood. Haha. Gonna miss u man. B on your own now man. there's no one to advise u no more.

Fui Gang:
There's a lot of ppl wei. Haha. Just wana say, BROTHERS SAY WAD!!!!! reply: WAD!!!! Haha. Love u guys wei. U guys made me wad i am today. I love u guys. I'm not gona stop saying i love u guys!! Sob. When i'm gone, remember 2 on you guys webcam ar! Den bring me to fui-gang outings!! I'm gona miss that d most wei. How we laugh and just stand in a circle for no reason. Shit!! I'm crying. I'm freaking crying just typing this post. I love u guys. Really do.Don't forget me as i never will forget u guys. Keep doing wad u guys do best, FUI!!!
Fui gang 就是fui gang!!!

BFF's :
My 4 Bff's Shirley, Angelina, Terry. Shirley was d first girl who was nice 2 me when i first enter form 1. First tallest girl i ever seen too. Haha. I'm gona miss u. U can do wadeva u wn. Just remember that there's always a mountain taller den another mountain. Zz. U were there to make me laugh. Were there wen i have problems. Haiz. Love u wei. Gona miss u too.
Angelina is my fren for 11 years.11 wei!! Best fren forever! She pinch, punch, scold me. But i still like her. Gona miss ur laughter. GOna miss your voice. Sob. Not gona miss your punches and pinches wei!!!
Terry, nigga man!!! Peace up!!! LBC!!! ROLL BACK TO THE CRIB!! I GOT SOME DOUGH HERE IN AUSTRALIA!! AND U BETE ROLL HERE!! IT"S MORPHINE TIME!!! Gona miss u man.

Dunstan:
Love ain't about girls wei. It's bout brothers too. Noe i got your back whenever u turn. Noe i catch u when u kena chase by polis. ZZz. Will miss u. Have confidence in yourself. Coz whenever u do tins, u owez will achieve it. I noe u can. Brothers say wad!!!! DUnstan: WAD!!! Love ya man.

Kitty :
Should keep u short. Haha. WIll miss kitty. K finiz.

No la. I'm bring dat key-chain there. And i'm gona kek all d girls say i got a kitty!! HAhaha. But if d girl i wan 2 kao. I wun show la. Wakakakakak~~~Remember ar. THis year don owez tink bout your boy le. SPM WEI!! After dat, can go with your boy le. Haha. Doggie not here, knt go kick him le. So i ask my dog brothers to help u. Just say MIAW! den dey come le. Haha. Miss ya wei. Take care.

I'm gona on my MSN everyday!! Gona on my facebook everyday!!! Will miss Kuching. Sob. My piano. My dog. My sisters. Take care!

Tears right now. My phone number give 2 my sisters le. So~~~ bete wac out wad u guys say. HAha. Wil sure come back find u guys d. June i tink. June come back!!! LENG ZAI LIAO!. DOn't care. If kitty say i still cute. I go bite her!
Go c facebook wei!!

' I love wad god gave me in my life. Parting is never easy. Let tears say goodbye
to all Fui Gangs. And my friends! '

The girl of My dreams

2010-01-07T22:32:00.003+08:00

This few days, i've been laying on the couch watchin FullHouse. I watched it before, but my mom started watching it again. So i joined in. Haha. The drama ok la. Just, it's because 송혜교 is in it. Then slowly, slowly i fell in love with her. Strange how love works ain't it. Now i noe how girls siao DBSK. I know why girls siao Korean dramas.

Enjoy her pics wei~~ haha.

I liked d last pic best. Haha.

Next time, u C me. Marry to her. O someone that looks like her. Haha. 宋惠侨. I go korea next time liao. Don't want find Ji Hoo cause i'm not gay wei. Find her.

Now, i noe d meaning of 珍惜一切. Without going back to SMK Sungai Maong, I understand wad is boredom. Actually not boring la. Everyday got go out, at home wac drama. But I just miss Fui gang wei.

Miss the talking cocks.
Miss the don't-care-wad-teacher-is-talking-and-just-sit-in-a-circle group meeting. GOD!! I miss those times.
Miss How we ask Amarprit to loosen his Turban.
Miss how we laugh at Alan's jokes.
Miss how Dunstan pinch us.
Miss how Terry do his nigga stuff.
Miss how Brahma just being Brahma.
Miss how Ping Chen talk 'biology' with me.
Miss the constant misinterpretion and arguing between boys and girls of fui gang.
Last of all, Miss laughing together as Fui Gang.

That's onli the 10 of wad i miss. The list never ends. As 5 years with those fui Kias, taught me that fui gang 就是 fui gang. Plus i'm going oversea to study. Leaving the fui gangs. Behtahan ar. Australia how can have fui gang wei. Nothing will ever replace those fui Kias in my heart. Sob. Must rite a speech before i go Australia wei. So, save it for then.

Today, went out with my teacher. Mr. Ling. Just me and him, under the rain eating steamboat. Must try wei. Eating steamboat under the rain. Shuang ar~!! Like hot and cold at the same time. Thanks for the food, Mr.Ling!

Haha. This pic must put 2 times. Cause it's too cute~~~!!!

' Everything has an end. Happy o sad ending. Separating from Fui Gangs. Happy '

First post of This chapter.

2010-01-03T23:30:00.002+08:00

First and foremost,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2010 is really here. The separation of all form 5's. Ever since Melaka i've been going out till now. Going from Morning till 2am. Wao. Whole day went out. One thing i learn from all the going out is : Once u stepped out of the house, get ready to lose money.
Let's recap wad i done since 22nd, Dec.

22nd Dec - 27th Dec :
Melaka, The place where i lived with an Indian family for 6 days. Face it, not many chinese people gets to live with indians for 6 days rite? Haha. Everyday eat Indian food. I admit. Indian food ain't bad. They put a lot of herbs and spices. Cooking was 10/10. They even cook spaggethi nice. Then, the girls. Walao. I don't want say liao. Even Brahma, who is an indian thinks the chinese girls there. HOT WEI!!!. Now missing Melaka le. Haiz. Miss my 2 best friends. Devon and Tanush. Sob. These 2 little indian boys knw shut up one. But bo pian i like kids. Haha. So we played the whole time. Miss u guys wei!!!
I fallen in love with a girl in Melaka. She works in the F.O.S. at one of the malls. So everyday, I sure go there see her d. See her, check the clothes, see her do the cash machine, see her talk. Wao. Now i believe in love at first sight. Sadly, i gotta leave her. Nvm. Moving on is the best way to see more beautiful things. Haha.
Thanks Brahma's family for everything. I'm not racist. Really. Mayb to Malays only la. Haha. Love Christmas Eve. Where Me and Brahma kena snowed by fake snow. And the portugese people. Hot wei.

28th Dec :
Brahma went back Kuching first at 0800 hrs. We woke up at 0400am wei!!!! DIAO!!! First time in my 17years on Earth i woke up that early u know!! Bo pian. KL very far from Melaka. My flight back to Kuching was 1840 hours. SO......... I got to spend the whole day alone in an unfamiliar place. I took a bus down to KL sentral. Rm8 ok la. Then reach there. Duno where to go liao. Zzz. So kia kia lo. Walk walk walk walk. Then i rode a taxi to Midvalley MEGAMALL. So big and so many girls. Sob. I pinched myself to see if i was dreaming o not.
I thought of Kelvin that time, cause he said he was in KL. He said he was in MIdvalley. So zhun. So we met up lo. Fate jiu si fate la. We walked around lo. Exchange stories. His flight was 1940hours. So we went to LCCT together. Let me tell u. KL taxi drivers, are pro wei. They can basically enter NAscar if they want to. The taxi driver we hired, kena horned duno how many times wei.

29th - 30th Dec :
Came back from Melaka straight went to work. 30th Dec was Sg.Maong's form 5 science stream farewell dinner. Well, as like all dinners i played music again and i only got 2 days to practise. Zzz. So 29th rehearse whole day. 30th rehearse till afternoon. Tired wei and i just came back from plane nia. But 30th dinner was a blast. Took lots lots of Pics. Had fun. We F4 even got pictures. Haha. Wait i upload. Then after dinner, we went supper. Zzz. 2am came home. Straight sleep.

31st Dec :
Last day of 2009. Celebrated with friends lo. Went to Terry's house. Hang out. Watch Movies. Talk craps. Drank wine. Luckily wasn't drunk wei. Then countdown. Yea~~~~ 2010. 01-01-2010. 1.30am came home. Straight sleep.

1st Jan :
Fui gang gathering. Watched movie. Had fun. This maybe d last time i see them. Sob. Miss FUi gang la!!!!!!! Watched Vampire's assistant. Ok la. Not bad. Then we ate at Hui Sing. Then we went to Karaoke in Steph's house. Haha. Sing till no voice ar. But i had fun. Really had fun with fui gang. Cause Fui Gang Jiu shi Fui gang. And because of that, i love fui gang.

2nd Jan :
Went out with Kitty and Krystle. Finally can go out with kitty ho~~~ Had fun ma? I had fun le. Luckily din chase kitty round spring. I tahan chasing kitty u noe. We watched Avatar. Again le. Was tryin not to sleep, so din really watch tiok d movie. I got two seats = bed u noe. So must tahan again. I tahan eat oso. So hungry wei. But i only ate tiok chicken rice and kolo mee nia. Haiz. Kitty gave me her name as a farewell gift. Weird wei. Lata go there keep see KITTY. Nightmare nia. Haha. No la. Thanks la wei. Rm29.50 d tin bo. KITTY cost Rm29.50 bo. Haha. Funny wei. The story behind it. Will never forget Kitty d la. June i come back. Straight go chase u.

That's how i end 2009. Sadness and happiness all in one week. Weird huh? How everything in just a few days.
Thanks for the support on my new song, Leave. Mr. Kho Ping Chen is writing d lyrics. Guess what? If he manages to rite finiz. I'm gona sing. Really gona sing. So better wear some earplugs when u hear my songs. Haha. Now currently am writing a new one. Just need tuning kok. I'm gonna rite d lyrics for this new one.

' 14 days to go till i shed my tears. '