If i could turn back time. + Thank you

Every happiness we went through. It's different. Try thinking your first love. Try thinking the laughter with your friends. Try thinking the time your got your parent's praise.

It's different.

If i could turn back time.

- I worked hard for my theory.

- Won't simply go break up

- Took classical piano

- Took cello lessons earlier

Live life with no regrets. But who's life don't have regrets right? We're humans. Our actions are always what we want. But in the end, we're all gona die eventually. Haha. :P

My forecast results came in. So Happy. So happy!!!!

BI - A-

BM - A-

Sejarah - C+

Moral - B+

Maths - A+

Add.Maths - A

Bio - A

Physics - B+

Chem - A

Est - A

Chinese - B+

Well. Can say 70% of it is really forecast results. Haha. Teachers are good people. They're just doing their jobs. Haha. Teacher's are humans too. SO. I send my results to the college le. Haiz. Hope can get in lo. Excited? 舍不得？ Just keep on going.

This whole week. Study everyday. Ya. Study everyday. There's no rest day now. Come to tink of it. Studyin actually takes a lot of time. 17 years on earth now baru tink that studying needs a lot of time. Zzz. Went to library 3 times a week. Library has become a Hang-out le. Everyday go there eat d Nasi Pattaya. Ok la. Not bad.

Today, something magical happen. She went to library wei. Haiz. Disappoint me nia. We're friends right? Everytime want try talk to her. Kelvin sure talk d. Zzz. Will she reply back ma? Forget about d past. Move on ma. We're still friends. So what's so hard bout making a simple conversation? I guess. I guess. In the end. The past still lingers in our hearts. Who could ever forget bout their first love? So pure. Haha. But we're still friends. Just an experience.

But wad d heck. She took him more as a fren than me. I know i'm a good friend. It's just jealous. He has wad i wanted. Maybe i just din open my mouth to talk 2 her. Haha. It just feels like that.

I guess. I guess. You can't get what u want.

thank you - 许贤凯

My latest work. Haha. Actually not latest la. Quite long le. Just din upload nia. Zz. I dedicate dis song: 'Thank you' To my frens wei. For everything. Especially those memories. Must listen and comment ar wei. My other song 感想 . How? OK ma? Lyrics nevermind la. I know it's ok nia. Not standard kok. Haha. COMMENT!!!

' Boys find things valuable when other boys wants it. '

I have a dream. + 感想

Last night i had a dream wei. Weird dream actually. I was bathing honey which i do every sunday. Then when i was tying her up, Ks car was outside my house. Duno y wei. Then my mom came and opened the door. Then Ks sis, sis's bf, mom and dad n her came up. I was like why wei! My family know your family ar? Swt ar..... Then we talked we played we laughed. Then around 5pm they went back. Then my australian cousin came. SWT WEI!!! Duno y she came. Then i see her smile. Then Ks sis came back then want come tel me something. But my alarm rang le. ZZzz. Aite. I want know wad she want say le. But knt sleep le. Haiz. God must not let me know some secrets i tink.

Yesterday went to Choong's party. Ya. Had fun for the last time. Heart attack actually nice 2 play u noe. I reli had heart attack. Really gonna miss u guys wei. Sob. Sob. Sob.

And ar. I gona polish my Happy Birthday song wei. Yuan wang. Last night they asked me play. I forgot how to play ki. Zzz So long din play le. Now i know le. i know le. Who's b'day next? I go play for dem. For free d.

手牵手, 紧紧抱着, 幸福的哪笑容

但是寂寞影子还是有存在
你说要好好读书, 让我安心了吗?
但是我还是把读书当借口

你的爱. 在回忆里
当寂寞和爱情变成了有妥协

请你不要离开嘛
是不是我做错了?
你走我走, 爱情还是留在这里等着你和我
没有流泪, 也算了吧
反正人生还是要坚强的过着

请你不要冷淡嘛
我还需要你的笑
开心, 我还爱你的, 是不是我对你太依赖吗？
笑一个笑, 我最爱的
如果你走了, 我会在这里等着你.

手牵手, 紧紧抱着, 幸福的哪笑容
但是寂寞影子还是有存在
你说要好好读书,让我安心了吗?
但是我还是把读书当借口

你的爱. 在回忆里
当寂寞和爱情变成了有妥协

最后你还是离开
最后你放下了我
对不起我对爱情还是无奈还是没有天份
好好的走, 我让步了
跌到我还是在你身边扶着你

最后你还是冷淡
最后我还不了解
你开心我开心, 这算不算是纯纯的爱情?
我也走吧, 离开了你
你真的走了, 我就期待谁来代替你.

开心, 我要你开心笑

感想 - 许贤凯

Wrote this song few months ago. Lyrics oso few months ago. Haha. Guess that time i felt this way. Bygone be bygone. I changed i guess. I tink i changed. I felt i change. I became more self-centered. Haha.

Alvin ar. Tel her u love her man. Tel nia. Know now u malu. I ever malu wad. I told someone i like her. Stupid wei. Haha. Just call her if u malu la. Then u say it slowly ya. Don't say it suddenly like i did. Haha. I know u gonna hit me right now. Nevermind. Nobody knows u. :P

' Ever look back in the past and found out u did not do wad u wanted 2 do?'

Mr. BLur

Regarding my last post. I was blur. Veri blur. Haha. Erm. The gurl was tryin to say.

Someone : Girl have feelings towards talented people. But u have talent i don have feelings for u bo.
She was tryin to say like dat. Zzz. Ji swt yi xia. She just add feelings into the sentence nia. Well, i wana answer back.
1st. I don have talent. So it's natural u don have feelings towards me.
2nd. You have a boyfriend le. So if u have feelings towards me, i'd tel him.
3rd. It still hurts u noe.

Haiya. Nevermind le la. ISSSH. FUss over dis kind of tins. It's all hood dawg. You don have feelings towards me nvm. I have feeling towards u cn le. You're my mom ma. My short short short d mom. SHORT d mom. So.... you're still short. WAKAKAKAKAKKA. Luckily i din get your genes wei. Must get from dad. Whoever he is. Zzz. Hope is YAO MING.

Gerald gerald. Very brave u noe him. Raining so heavily still rush to his car. Sobb. Then come pick us up kok.

Sunday went to Minoru to eat. Never go to a japanese restaurant with only rm50 wei. Not enuf. Seriously. Not enough.
Ya. She's my sister wei. Look at the eyes. The eyes. Don't care my mom behind. She's enjoying life.
You know ar. Wen i become famous. This pic can sell a lot u noe. Cause got japanese cook behind me. WAKAKAKAKA.
My dad preparing wasabi. Steady ar wei. Wasabi can make your mouth explode u noe.
My mom is either finding a hard time reading d menu o she's jz sleeping while reading a menu.
Cannot picture how my mom and dad pakto last time ho. Fui wei.
It is tradition for father and son to have a drinking wine competition. Luckily i poured little wine nia. Haha.
Last but not least. A singh driving a steering-wheelless , gearless, windowless, doorless, chairless car.
Haha. Today went to Brahma's cafe to eat. A Singh and a chinese and an indian in an indian cafe eating indian food. SATU MALAYSIA!!!
We 3 are planning to have a talkshow wen we grow up. So we rehearse everyday lo. Talking bout politics, barisan nasional, UMNO, Taib. Ya. Mature talking.
Our topic for today was why got one old man riding a bicycle keep passing by Brahma's cafe 3 times. 3 TIMES WEI!!! Zzz. We were like WHY wei. It's 7pm and u still cycle.

I booked my tickets to Melaka le. 22nd Dec till 28th Dec. YEA!! Can't wait le wei. Melaka. Brahma say i'm gonna lose my..........................................................................
Important tin there. Sob. I'm gona b a man le. WAkakakakaka. A full grown man. I'm gona lose my natural hair colour le. Haha. I'm gona dye it brown. Nono. Orange like ji hoo. Can't wait wei.

To Ping Chen.. I know u good guy. Like wad we said. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has regrets. Just do d right tin. At least u know wad u regret about. At least u know wad u did was wrong. Mistakes are made to know how to be right. Hey, You and Ling and Wen are smart people wei. Moral get so high still. So mz have nilai friendship. Definisi : menjadi kawan kepada kawan kita. Zzz. I just made up a freaking weird definisi.

To Kitty.. Doggie here wei. Smile. Smile. When everything goes wrong just smile wei. Smile big big nia. Don let him make your smile disappear. Doggie last time sad because din smile ma. But now noe mz smile le. Don because of him, you let go of happiness ma. Still got doggie here. Can still peng for u rite??

' I wana become a successful counsellor one day. Zzz.'

Stupid imeem can't upload my songs.zz

Should i care?

This week. Got back results. Bad. Bad. Bad. And to tink i'm gona send dis results to Aus. Tink dey accept ar?

My mom ored wn book my tickets to Melbourne le. 17th January, 2010. I'm gona leave Kuching. If i'm accepted la. Haiz. It's really gona end. Come to tink of it. 5 years in SMK Sungai Maong ain't all that bad. It's good. Besides the exams, pengetua, rejections, fights. There's never been a day i'm sad wen i step into dat skul. I smiled everyday. Haiz. Gotta save dis speech. Haha. Wait i reli gotta go i baru type my speech.

This week. Someone. Someone. Someone. Said something.

Someone : People got talent, i admire. But y u have talent, i don admire bo.

That time i reli tired. So was interpreting wad she was saying. Then after 30 secs. I finally knew wad she meant. Well. Confusing. Was that an insult o a motivation?

Then duno y. My mind made it as an insult. For a musician. Wen someone says that to u. Your heartbreaks. All the works u done. All d tins u did. And someone juz say dat rite in your face.

DO you know u practise piano everyday for 2 hours straight.

Do you know because of music u have to reject your friends.

Do you know that every song u wrote was from your heart.

Do you know that musicians have feelings too and not for you to insult.

I know i may not have talent like lee hom o jay but at least i tried. I tried to become wad i am today. I'm not angry at u. But it just hurts. And i'm not a person who wants to b angry at ppl. Just like to be sad inside. Haha.

Gotta study le. Gambateh! Fighting! Chiong ar!! Go!! Move!! Add oil!! Berusaha!! I need a girl to say all dis den baru cn work. Zzz. And dunstan ar. Bo shu d. She still available.

' She made me smile. '

My saturday.

Yesterday. Was a tired Saturday. 10.30 jiu woke up le. Then my friends called me ask me go spring. Ok lo. Go la. But problem is.. need to wait my mom pick me go spring. Zzz. Around 1pm baru reach. The rest go in wac movie le. Dunstan there waiting for me. Good friend.

We went wac Pandorum. Erm. Ok la. Got make me kin tio. Haha. Aliens there eating ppl. Zzz.

Me and woon Shan ate lunch after d movie. The rest ate before d movie. BUt woon Shan say she want after movie eat. Zzz. So we ate hot plate. When you're hungry everything seems delicious.

Then d gurls go shopping. While me, Ping Chen and Hugh walked around spring searching for the girls. Haha. We were like lost wei. Not lost in directions. But lost in aims. We know where we are going. Just duno don't have no aim. Haha.

So we go search for the girls lo. Then ar. Then ar. Aite. At Nichii. I saw 1 girl. Her legs. AItE!!! CAN GLOW WEI!!! LIke white. And perfect. Perfect wei. Even ping chen like WOW!! PING CHEN WEI!!! EVEN SAY WOw. We stop and stare at her. My nose bleeding. I tink it's bleeding.

So wondered in Spring till 4 something. Then go to Ngiap Ling's house. The journey to her house. Was. Suffering wei. Zzz. Behind hilux squeeze 5 ppl. Woon shan under my leg. Hugh beside me. 10 mins ar. 10 mins my blood din go through my legs. Pain u noe!!! Touch it will break. Literally break. After that moment of pain. My next aim in life is too buy my own car. And sit in my own car.

Around 5.00 reach home. Then went dinner with my father and Jew Xun. A charity dinner for a temple. 365 tables u noe. A lot wei. 1 table agak agak 10 ppl. So 3650 ppl wei!! But luckily Jew Xun got go. O i sure boring there. The whole dinner was ok, The food, the people, the service.

Except for 1 part. The auctioning of the golds. AIte. from 8.30 till 10.30 wei. 1 small tiny gold necklace.Ppl offer 300000 plus u noe. Viva and kancil = 1 gold. Stupid wei. Reli stupid.

Around 11pm. I went Jew Xun hse watch Star Trek. Damn sleepy liao wei. Haha. Whole day outside. Luckily Star Trek not boring d. Whole movie all dclimax. Then 1.30 baru go home. Sleepy wei. Straight sleep ar. Then sleep till 1.30 d next afternoon. Haha.What u expect. Too tired.

I had fun la. Haha. With friends ma.

Oh ya. At spring. Woon Shan showed me a shuai ge. His a model lo. Shuai lo. Athletic lo. Girls always folo him lo. Rich lo. Conclusion his perfect. You don't meet a boy who is shuai, rich, athletic and muscular everyday don't u. HIs also d same age as me kok. Zzz.

Woon Shan c him lyk wad lyk dat. But his shuai ma. Girls can look at shuai ge wad. Me and Ping Chen was lyk so? Haha. Perfect nia ma.

But everyone's not perfect. We're humans wei. Even robots are not perfect. We sure has flaws and mistakes and regrets.

Because in the end, what we are comparing is not shuai-ness. But ' How much happy are we. '

' I'm more happy than him.'

Thing's revealed

Ever felt disappointed? Ever felt like the thing that u hope for just turns away? The thing that u brag about, the thing that was who you are, the thing that was your pride. Just disappears.

Yesterday i went to my music school. Results for theory were out. And i was thinking all this while. At least get a pass la. I got 61. 61!!!! For me, 61 was already good. BUt!!!! 66 baru pass. So in reality, i FAILED!!! CIB*I!!!

Everything just... don't have light no more. Everything just seems gloomy. I can't face my parents. 3 years. They spent 3 years of money and time on my theory lessons. And i fail. See how fuck up dis is. For the first time in my life. I disappointed my father and my mother.

But that night. My father told a lot of things. That u can't change the past, just change the future. Fail ored fail liao ma. Still need to do what. Honestly speaking, i wanted to cry that very moment. If my son wasted my time and money for 3 years, i sure....... But my father cheered me up. He din scold me. Sometimes, he surprises. But that's all i want actually. Support. With all the sayings he said there's one that's always true : Your family will always support u d.

There's one guy. Who somewhat do what he should not be doing but still is doing what he is doing. Zzz.

He dance teruk. But he still keeps on going. Face it. He shouldn't even be on that stage dancing his butt off. But he still did.

Am i like him? Pursuing my dream that was never meant to be?

I still keep telling myself. SPM firz. Music is the later part of my life. Haha

Yesterday, Kevin and Alan asked me a question that i couldn't answer.

' Russell ar? Why your wallet still got this key-chain?'

' What key-chain? '

' Neh. This giraffe d ar?'

' Duno. Cute ma. Haha.'

' U still like her ar?'

I couldn't answer. I was questioning myself. Why? Why? Why?

But 1 thing for sure. That key-chain is a very important thing to me. Haha

' I have the world bestest best super dee dooper parents '

Failed

For the past 17 years in my life.
I.
Failed.
Music.

No mood to say the details.